March?! I haven't posted since March? Who do I think I am, Josh Friedman? (God, and he's even posted twice in the last month!) I mean, the last half of Veronica Mars Season 2 did take over my entire universe, but seriously. Well, let's rip the Band-Aid off and get down to it, shall we?
What's new in my life? (And by "life", as if I had to specify, I mean "TV Schedule") Starting with the obvies, I'm loving the new season of Project Runway, though I always seem to be drunk while watching it.
AND OK...while the last bit was saved as draft, a few things have gone down. Mostly my tolerance for blatantly useless designers kept around for their personalities while talented and lovely people (Allison...CALL ME) get booted. I haven't actually watched last night's episode yet, but I went to the episode thread at TWoP and I get the sense it is going to infuriate me to no end. I think the show and I might need to take a break. Not break-up per se, but I'm wondering if we might be better off as friends. Now, you may recall I had the same thing happen with Evite, where we totally broke up but then Evite really grew and changed so we got back together and are happier than ever. (Though, come to think of it, we haven't been seeing as much of each other as we used to. But I think that's a good thing). I feel like my expectations for PR were too high and I started to forget that it is a reality show, albeit a classy one. But you only date a reality show; you don't marry one. I started to believe this was more than a summer fling but now I think we (me and Project Runway) need a little space before I get resentful and angry. I went into the Spoiler threads people; it's a clear sign I've lost some respect. Plus, I have sort of maybe kind of been cheating on PR with...(I can't believe I'm going to admit this) Rockstar:Supernova. I KNOW, ok, I know I'm totally slumming, not to mention it's on CBS for crying out loud. I won't do the stupid analogy of comparing RS:SN to junk food - bad for you but oh so tasty, like Mallomars or pork rinds. In my defense, however, Dave Navarro is hot and possibly a little bit funny, in a glam rock meets Roman emperor kind of way. He relishes giving the thumbs up and feeding the rockers to the lion. (It is a thumbs-up, BTW. Common misconception, but they were very pro-death back then). The great thing about my relationship with RS:SN is there is no commitment. At the end of the summer we will go our separate ways and not worry about keeping in touch. A little bowling in the arcade, a little strolling, a little lemonade. Definitely some making out under the dock. Likely staying out till 10 o'clock. And when it's all over, I go back to the real love of my life and nobody's feelings are hurt.
If you have to ask me who the real love of my life is, get off my blog. Seriously.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Who knew?
Apparently it isn't all that difficult to be the editor of a women's lifestyle magazine:
Dudes, what am I doing with my life? I could totally have this job, revealing trends in niche subcultures. Like I hear this iPod doohicky is really catching on among these "hipsters". Who, as is turns out, are often not as young as they appear! Shocking!
Launching July 24, [Missbehave] is a provocative consumer magazine from the publishers of Mass Appeal targeting women with fashion, beauty tips, and cultural lowdown appropriate to "more edgy, street-savvy women ages 18-32," according to editor Samantha Moeller. "There's a lot of men's magazines featuring this whole sneaker culture--graphic t-shirts and all this 'gear,' I call it," Wherever did she come up with that term? said Moeller. "But a lot of women from all different backgrounds are into the same thing. They might have a 9-to-5 job, but they're going out to parties and rocking their gear, dressed down like that. Even more so, there are a lot of jobs, in all kinds of industries, where it's really acceptable to wear all that kind of gear." I think she should have used the word "gear" a few more times. Moeller summed up: "There's all these men's magazines that show this kind of stuff-and we're saying hey, it's time for the women's side too." For example, the magazine has a section called 'ADHD,' Always fun to spoof mental illness. Moeller said, with short features categorized by "style, entertainment, and tech." But Moeller emphasized that Missbehave is very much a lifestyle magazine as well, with "documentary" articles exploring the myriad female American subcultures. "For example, there's a subculture in Texas of female fans who worship Selena, the late singer--and there are fans who wear t-shirts with her picture airbrushed on them, and it's a real culture," Moeller said. "We love that kind of stuff, because it's a fashion thing, without being 'style.'" "ish" She left the "ish" off at the end there. Moeller's husband
Adrian, Missbehave's publisher, (aha!) is also in charge of pushing the magazine to readers: "Initial circulation's going to be 75,000, and we're going to be doing a lot of promotions." He went on: "We're going to be doing some huge wallscapes in SoHo and the Lower East Side, postering all of New York and Los Angeles. Because God knows SoHo and the LES pretty much count as all of New York. Where I'm living might as well be Toronto. We're doing Fashion Week. We're buying special placement in Borders and Barnes & Noble. It's going to be huge."
Dudes, what am I doing with my life? I could totally have this job, revealing trends in niche subcultures. Like I hear this iPod doohicky is really catching on among these "hipsters". Who, as is turns out, are often not as young as they appear! Shocking!
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Nice Rack! pt. 2
I know I have plugged him before, but seriously you guys, this Larry Dobrow CRACKS MY SHIT UP. If you haven’t read these before, Magazine Rack reviews random titles for people in advertising to (ostensibly) decide if they should buy ads in the mag. There are several contributing writers but he is far and away the best. There are dirty words in this one! In a trade newsletter, meant for business people with important jobs and shit. I wish so badly that he had a blog or wrote recaps for TWoP or something, because I seriously cannot get enough of Mr. Dobrow.
Friday, March 17, 2006
Found in translation
I love codes and shortcuts. I’m that person who in the proper context will abbreviate everything, so that emails to Veronica Mars friends look something like this:
“Well, I thought ANMMHE was a way better ep than VT. HaLo has nothing on LoVe (my OTP) and JD was kinda acting OTT. YMMV. OTH, I <3 TT now and think she and KB are great together. Re: S3, TPTB at the CW might pair us with GG. OMGsquee, what a perfect lead in!”
I also like these kinds of ciphers in RL (sorry, real life). For example, the picture on a printer that tells you which way to load paper. Working as a temp, I learned that this:means that the right side of the page faces up and the top of the page goes to the left. It’s the modern day equivalent of hobo-code. I began looking for other examples of symbols with hidden meaning.
Prepare to have your mind blown. I found one such symbol, often hidden right beneath our noses, that contains information of such vital import for the viewer that I cannot believe I'm one of the few to know its meaning. Much like the answers to the DaVinci code, this secret is both ingenious and obvious, and the time has come for it to be revealed.
Did you know that in most modern cars you can determine which side the gas tank is on while sitting behind the wheel? Not from looking in your mirrors, or asking your passenger to stick their head out the window. Every car that I have checked since discovering this on my ’96 Mercury Sable (RIP “The PrincessMobile”) has an indicator by the fuel gauge that points to the side of the car where the gas tank door is. In the case of the PM®, it was an arrow pointing to the left, located just beneath the “E” for empty. In many other cars it is a picture of a gas pump placed strategically on one side of the fuel gauge. We have rented several cars over the past few years, and I assure you every single one of them has had this kind of indicator. No more craning out of the window to catch a glimpse of the tank door's outline. No more backing up and turning around to face your car the other way. From now on, you will always know which side of the car to pull up to the pump.
I know you’re dying right now to run out to your car and check, so I’ll let you go. You can thank me later.
“Well, I thought ANMMHE was a way better ep than VT. HaLo has nothing on LoVe (my OTP) and JD was kinda acting OTT. YMMV. OTH, I <3 TT now and think she and KB are great together. Re: S3, TPTB at the CW might pair us with GG. OMGsquee, what a perfect lead in!”
I also like these kinds of ciphers in RL (sorry, real life). For example, the picture on a printer that tells you which way to load paper. Working as a temp, I learned that this:means that the right side of the page faces up and the top of the page goes to the left. It’s the modern day equivalent of hobo-code. I began looking for other examples of symbols with hidden meaning.
Prepare to have your mind blown. I found one such symbol, often hidden right beneath our noses, that contains information of such vital import for the viewer that I cannot believe I'm one of the few to know its meaning. Much like the answers to the DaVinci code, this secret is both ingenious and obvious, and the time has come for it to be revealed.
Did you know that in most modern cars you can determine which side the gas tank is on while sitting behind the wheel? Not from looking in your mirrors, or asking your passenger to stick their head out the window. Every car that I have checked since discovering this on my ’96 Mercury Sable (RIP “The PrincessMobile”) has an indicator by the fuel gauge that points to the side of the car where the gas tank door is. In the case of the PM®, it was an arrow pointing to the left, located just beneath the “E” for empty. In many other cars it is a picture of a gas pump placed strategically on one side of the fuel gauge. We have rented several cars over the past few years, and I assure you every single one of them has had this kind of indicator. No more craning out of the window to catch a glimpse of the tank door's outline. No more backing up and turning around to face your car the other way. From now on, you will always know which side of the car to pull up to the pump.
I know you’re dying right now to run out to your car and check, so I’ll let you go. You can thank me later.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Friday send-off
Happy Friday! This is when I wish I had one of those blogs that update every 28 minutes, mostly with new links to cool shit, because I don't have anything particular to say about this, except, perhaps:
Yum??
Yum??
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Can't Buy My Love
NB: I meant to post this a few days ago, but have not had the chance to edit it properly (read: look over once). I sort of hate linking to the Times because it will only be viewable for a week or two, but I figured since I went to all the trouble of writing (read: bothered to jot down in between page refreshes checking for new email) this, I might as well post it. Appologies for the poor structure and uninspired linkage. This is one of few archives I will not look back upon with delight.
Couple of things I find interesting about this – yes, I think you should disclose if you are getting inside information from a company when you blog about it. Saying you “heard from someone” that "blah blah yay!Wal-Mart" without disclosing that the “someone” you heard it from is their PR agency is pretty disingenuous. However let’s never confuse blogger with journalist. This is journalism. This is blogging. I seriously doubt that the content of these blogs is being radically altered. That’s the point – they find people who already love them some Wal Mart and just feed them extra info. Like if your drug dealer had a customer loyalty program where he gave you better smack in exchange for you talking it up to some friends. You’re a druggie to begin with; your friends know where you are coming from. How can I get hooked up with one of these deals? I already missed the boat on the Veronica Mars blogger day. And yes, the bitterness that torments my soul knowing if I had been a better blogger I could have been one of the chosen few knows no bounds. Thanks for asking. I’ve sung the praises of Time Warner Cable, though I think HBO on Demand should be part of the regular HBO package. I really, really love Starbucks despite any negative corporate image problems. Screw you and your carpel-tunnel Ms. Barista; fire me up a caramel macchiato. I would totally accept some free lattes in exchange for plugging Starbucks on my clearly relevant and impactful blog. Hello, it's in the name already! Because as much as housecoffee will kill me for this, they give me my fix. The actual coffee is consistently overroasted to a nice burnt taste and $4 for bean-water and milk still galls me. But it’s the always the same. Every time, everywhere. And I do mean everywhere. Knowing that I need only travel a mere 2 blocks from work or from home or from almost anywhere in New York City safe enough to take my parents and I can obtain the same exact blend of espresso, milk and carefully orchestrated coffee-house experience soothes my soul. Not enough to make up for missing the Veronica Mars Blogger Day, but you know. It helps. And I will certainly tell you guys when Starbucks starts paying me off to posts these odes. Till then, you can trust that any “insider information” I post is obtained the good old fashioned blogger way: by making it up.
Couple of things I find interesting about this – yes, I think you should disclose if you are getting inside information from a company when you blog about it. Saying you “heard from someone” that "blah blah yay!Wal-Mart" without disclosing that the “someone” you heard it from is their PR agency is pretty disingenuous. However let’s never confuse blogger with journalist. This is journalism. This is blogging. I seriously doubt that the content of these blogs is being radically altered. That’s the point – they find people who already love them some Wal Mart and just feed them extra info. Like if your drug dealer had a customer loyalty program where he gave you better smack in exchange for you talking it up to some friends. You’re a druggie to begin with; your friends know where you are coming from. How can I get hooked up with one of these deals? I already missed the boat on the Veronica Mars blogger day. And yes, the bitterness that torments my soul knowing if I had been a better blogger I could have been one of the chosen few knows no bounds. Thanks for asking. I’ve sung the praises of Time Warner Cable, though I think HBO on Demand should be part of the regular HBO package. I really, really love Starbucks despite any negative corporate image problems. Screw you and your carpel-tunnel Ms. Barista; fire me up a caramel macchiato. I would totally accept some free lattes in exchange for plugging Starbucks on my clearly relevant and impactful blog. Hello, it's in the name already! Because as much as housecoffee will kill me for this, they give me my fix. The actual coffee is consistently overroasted to a nice burnt taste and $4 for bean-water and milk still galls me. But it’s the always the same. Every time, everywhere. And I do mean everywhere. Knowing that I need only travel a mere 2 blocks from work or from home or from almost anywhere in New York City safe enough to take my parents and I can obtain the same exact blend of espresso, milk and carefully orchestrated coffee-house experience soothes my soul. Not enough to make up for missing the Veronica Mars Blogger Day, but you know. It helps. And I will certainly tell you guys when Starbucks starts paying me off to posts these odes. Till then, you can trust that any “insider information” I post is obtained the good old fashioned blogger way: by making it up.
say what?
Tony Brummel, the owner of the independent rock label Victory Records, says he is not interested in selling individual songs from his albums, though he may give them away to build buzz. The label this week captured the No. 3 spot on the chart with the new album from the emo-rock band Hawthorne Heights. The band's CD sold about 114,000 copies — a solid figure for an independent rock band, but somewhat less than expected given the label's shipments of roughly 800,000 copies. A rock album, Mr. Brummel said, "is a work of art."
"If you're buying a Picasso," he continued, "you can't just buy the upper right-hand corner."
No, but can you view just the upper right-hand corner at a museum, the same way that you can listen to just one song at a time, instead of the whole album on, say, the radio?
I cannot believe I am trying to make sense of a metaphor that compares Hawthorne Heights to Picasso.
"If you're buying a Picasso," he continued, "you can't just buy the upper right-hand corner."
No, but can you view just the upper right-hand corner at a museum, the same way that you can listen to just one song at a time, instead of the whole album on, say, the radio?
I cannot believe I am trying to make sense of a metaphor that compares Hawthorne Heights to Picasso.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Bigmoneybigmoneybigmoney!
As my man Mr. A-Z says, it's all about the wordplay. And for me, that means Wheel of Fortune. Back in my smarty-pants high school days (no, I am not still a smarty-pants. I have graduated to being a know-it-all. Doyie) I used to think I was beyond WoF. I cruised through Jeopardy at 7:00pm, yelling back answers like, "Star of India!" and "The Tempest!" with equal parts triumph and disdain. When WoF started at 7:30, I was all, my brain is too fast for this dumb show. So I would turn to other intellect-enriching programs, like Entertainment Tonight.
I can't pin down the moment that turned me around. I probably just left the TV on after Jeopardy while I worked in the kitchen and little by little, I soaked in the goodness that is Wheel. For starters, Pat Sajak is hilarious and not for the reason you think. Not unlike Pat Kiernan, DCA, Pat Sajak's humor is buried beneath a professional demeanor. When a contestant says, "I'd like to buy an O please" and Pat responds with "An O. Well OK!" he's not making bad "O - OK" joke. He's saying to them, "Are you fucking kidding me? You just bought an E, you have like $500 left and the goddamn answer is 'Whitney Houston Texas'. How do you need to buy a fucking O to solve it?!" And then when the contestant gets their one O and then announces, "I'd like to solve the puzzle, Pat! Whitney Houston Texas!", he might say something like, "Yep that's it!" but in his head he's thinking, "Of course it's Whitney fucking Houston Texas. You had all but the X up there but you had to go and waste $250 on the fucking one O like it was "Apple" unlocking the fucking DaVinci Code." In other circumstances when the puzzle is all but solved and the contestant chooses to spin that one last time, Pat will give them an "Alrighty!" but with an unmistakable subtext of, "Go for it, you greedy dumb fuck. You can't be satisfied with $15,000 in the bank plus a trip to Cabo, no, you just have to spin and call out the X for $350 more. Come on Bankrupt!" When they inevitably land on Bankrupt, he gives the best fake "Awww" ever before brightly turning to the next person, "Whaddya say there, Karen?"
But it's not just the heady mix of Pat Sajak's barely-masked loathing for both the contestants and for himself that keeps me hooked. There is a special event, rare as a Corpse Flower, that once you experience first-hand will have you setting your Season Pass to bump Wheel even above Ellen: The MisSolve.
The MisSolve is not when a contestant can't get the final puzzle, or when they shout a desperation guess during the speed round. It's not even when they get one word wrong, like adding an S to the end thereby rendering their whole answer incorrect. The MisSolve is when over 65% of the letters are in place and the contestant thoughtfully calls out a completely nonsensical solution. Somewhere along the lines of "Baby Fish Mouth" I have been fortunate enough to witness three of these in my lifetime, and I am here to share them with you today.
I'll admit upfront this was a tricky puzzle and the Feyonce (who did not give me the flu, BTW) solved it before I could. The Category was "Event" I think (and they are playing fast and loose with those categories these days. You'll see what I mean) and the answer was:
Choreographed Fountain Show
Tricky, right? And only an event in the every-half-hour-outside-of-the-Bellagio kind of way. But our intrepid contestant's stab came out as:
Choreographer Fountain Shot
I'll overlook the fact that the T was already up in Fountain, as were the first two Rs so you knew that Choreographer and Shot couldn't be right. What the hell would a Choreographer Fountain Shot even be? Bob Fosse's version of "Our Lips Are Sealed"?
A slightly more plausible but no less correct guess was given for the following puzzle, Category "Around the House":
Juicy Pineapple Chunks
Ok, what? It's the unnecessary adjectives that make these kinds of puzzles difficult, as evidenced by the guess of:
Spicy Pineapple Chunks
See, not totally absurd. Granted, I've never heard of Spicy Pineapple Chunks but then again I don't eat a lot of Thai.
But my all-time favorite MisSolve, the one that gets me giggling every time I think of it or come across French pastries is this puzzle, Category "On the Menu":
Custard-Filled Eclair
Now, the C hadn't yet been called, but other than that I'm pretty sure the entire board was filled in, because the contestant only got one tiny little letter wrong in their guess:
Mustard-Filled Eclair
Seriously? Seriously. Mustard-Filled Eclair. Not even my people would eat something like that.
So there you have it. My love of the Wheel laid bare. Not since the days when people were forced to spend their winnings on living room sets and ceramic Dalmations from the rotating stage has this show been such a nightly ritual for me. I was awed by the star power of NFL Week, "aww"ed by the charm of Best Friends Week and plan to be "Aw-yeah"ed by the hot-n-steaminess of Soap Opera Star Week. I am continually amazed at Vanna's wardrobe and her complete and utter lack of purpose. I am also waiting for the day Pat Sajak loses it and slaps some poor, unsuspecting dude for calling out "N" when it's already been called. Seeing as how the show is taped months in advance however, I suspect we may never see that footage air. In the meantime, I comfort myself by shouting out answers like "Upright Vacuum Cleaner" and "Sampling the Local Tequilas" (a prize puzzle where the prize was, natch, a trip to Mexico) and crying anytime someone solves the Final Puzzle. That never happens on Jeopardy.
I can't pin down the moment that turned me around. I probably just left the TV on after Jeopardy while I worked in the kitchen and little by little, I soaked in the goodness that is Wheel. For starters, Pat Sajak is hilarious and not for the reason you think. Not unlike Pat Kiernan, DCA, Pat Sajak's humor is buried beneath a professional demeanor. When a contestant says, "I'd like to buy an O please" and Pat responds with "An O. Well OK!" he's not making bad "O - OK" joke. He's saying to them, "Are you fucking kidding me? You just bought an E, you have like $500 left and the goddamn answer is 'Whitney Houston Texas'. How do you need to buy a fucking O to solve it?!" And then when the contestant gets their one O and then announces, "I'd like to solve the puzzle, Pat! Whitney Houston Texas!", he might say something like, "Yep that's it!" but in his head he's thinking, "Of course it's Whitney fucking Houston Texas. You had all but the X up there but you had to go and waste $250 on the fucking one O like it was "Apple" unlocking the fucking DaVinci Code." In other circumstances when the puzzle is all but solved and the contestant chooses to spin that one last time, Pat will give them an "Alrighty!" but with an unmistakable subtext of, "Go for it, you greedy dumb fuck. You can't be satisfied with $15,000 in the bank plus a trip to Cabo, no, you just have to spin and call out the X for $350 more. Come on Bankrupt!" When they inevitably land on Bankrupt, he gives the best fake "Awww" ever before brightly turning to the next person, "Whaddya say there, Karen?"
But it's not just the heady mix of Pat Sajak's barely-masked loathing for both the contestants and for himself that keeps me hooked. There is a special event, rare as a Corpse Flower, that once you experience first-hand will have you setting your Season Pass to bump Wheel even above Ellen: The MisSolve.
The MisSolve is not when a contestant can't get the final puzzle, or when they shout a desperation guess during the speed round. It's not even when they get one word wrong, like adding an S to the end thereby rendering their whole answer incorrect. The MisSolve is when over 65% of the letters are in place and the contestant thoughtfully calls out a completely nonsensical solution. Somewhere along the lines of "Baby Fish Mouth" I have been fortunate enough to witness three of these in my lifetime, and I am here to share them with you today.
I'll admit upfront this was a tricky puzzle and the Feyonce (who did not give me the flu, BTW) solved it before I could. The Category was "Event" I think (and they are playing fast and loose with those categories these days. You'll see what I mean) and the answer was:
Choreographed Fountain Show
Tricky, right? And only an event in the every-half-hour-outside-of-the-Bellagio kind of way. But our intrepid contestant's stab came out as:
Choreographer Fountain Shot
I'll overlook the fact that the T was already up in Fountain, as were the first two Rs so you knew that Choreographer and Shot couldn't be right. What the hell would a Choreographer Fountain Shot even be? Bob Fosse's version of "Our Lips Are Sealed"?
A slightly more plausible but no less correct guess was given for the following puzzle, Category "Around the House":
Juicy Pineapple Chunks
Ok, what? It's the unnecessary adjectives that make these kinds of puzzles difficult, as evidenced by the guess of:
Spicy Pineapple Chunks
See, not totally absurd. Granted, I've never heard of Spicy Pineapple Chunks but then again I don't eat a lot of Thai.
But my all-time favorite MisSolve, the one that gets me giggling every time I think of it or come across French pastries is this puzzle, Category "On the Menu":
Custard-Filled Eclair
Now, the C hadn't yet been called, but other than that I'm pretty sure the entire board was filled in, because the contestant only got one tiny little letter wrong in their guess:
Mustard-Filled Eclair
Seriously? Seriously. Mustard-Filled Eclair. Not even my people would eat something like that.
So there you have it. My love of the Wheel laid bare. Not since the days when people were forced to spend their winnings on living room sets and ceramic Dalmations from the rotating stage has this show been such a nightly ritual for me. I was awed by the star power of NFL Week, "aww"ed by the charm of Best Friends Week and plan to be "Aw-yeah"ed by the hot-n-steaminess of Soap Opera Star Week. I am continually amazed at Vanna's wardrobe and her complete and utter lack of purpose. I am also waiting for the day Pat Sajak loses it and slaps some poor, unsuspecting dude for calling out "N" when it's already been called. Seeing as how the show is taped months in advance however, I suspect we may never see that footage air. In the meantime, I comfort myself by shouting out answers like "Upright Vacuum Cleaner" and "Sampling the Local Tequilas" (a prize puzzle where the prize was, natch, a trip to Mexico) and crying anytime someone solves the Final Puzzle. That never happens on Jeopardy.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
run by blogging
So my Feyonce has the flu. Which actually doesn't automatically mean I'll get it. Sometimes I feel like I drink enough tea to be literally invincible. But of course at the same time I am now suspicious of any and all pains. I feel sort of achey right now, but I think it could just be that my jeans shrank in the dryer.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Because I can. Because I can can can can can.....
Happy President's Day!
I felt that given the holiday, I ought to post something. Seeing as how I'm trying to get back in the habit. Now mind you, when I say holiday, that doesn't mean I had the day off from work. But at least folks are mostly leaving me alone, as if to say, "NYOne, you are neglecting your audience and your craft. Off the TWoP boards with you, for there you shall find no satisfaction. Hie you hence to your your blog and there post some wit for the masses."
Unfortunately for you, I have no wit, but I do have a way to tie in two of my references in this post...
Not strictly speaking, but it will do. First person to correctly identify the unifying theme gets...my undying love and admiration? A vegemite sandwich on me?
Speaking of reality shows, I am of course loving this season of Project Runway long time. Knowing that the producers were going to keep Santino no matter what kind of turkey costume he belched onto the runway, I had the final three picked about two weeks ago. Andre was unmemorable, Nick, though my early favorite for the "Buy my chicle" Nicky Hilton episode, was ultimately a bit tacky and Kara managed to take boring ideas and then execute them badly. I'm now truly torn between Chloe and Daniel V. Daniel is the more exciting designer, but though we rarely see it, I get the feeling he is a bad loser. Chloe has been consistently overlooked (how many challenges did she come in 2nd? Like half of them?) but her lack of drive makes it hard to really pull for her. As long as the freakish, balding giant troll Santino doesn't win, I'm cool with it.
Wednesdays really are TV heaven, from American Idol, to VM to PR. When AI moves against my beloved Veronica, I really hope we don't get flattened, but the ratings have been so shitty lately, it can't get much worse. It's a comfort to know, when you're singing the save-the-show blues, that anywhere else you could possibly go after South Beach would be a pleasure cruise.
I felt that given the holiday, I ought to post something. Seeing as how I'm trying to get back in the habit. Now mind you, when I say holiday, that doesn't mean I had the day off from work. But at least folks are mostly leaving me alone, as if to say, "NYOne, you are neglecting your audience and your craft. Off the TWoP boards with you, for there you shall find no satisfaction. Hie you hence to your your blog and there post some wit for the masses."
Unfortunately for you, I have no wit, but I do have a way to tie in two of my references in this post...
Not strictly speaking, but it will do. First person to correctly identify the unifying theme gets...my undying love and admiration? A vegemite sandwich on me?
Speaking of reality shows, I am of course loving this season of Project Runway long time. Knowing that the producers were going to keep Santino no matter what kind of turkey costume he belched onto the runway, I had the final three picked about two weeks ago. Andre was unmemorable, Nick, though my early favorite for the "Buy my chicle" Nicky Hilton episode, was ultimately a bit tacky and Kara managed to take boring ideas and then execute them badly. I'm now truly torn between Chloe and Daniel V. Daniel is the more exciting designer, but though we rarely see it, I get the feeling he is a bad loser. Chloe has been consistently overlooked (how many challenges did she come in 2nd? Like half of them?) but her lack of drive makes it hard to really pull for her. As long as the freakish, balding giant troll Santino doesn't win, I'm cool with it.
Wednesdays really are TV heaven, from American Idol, to VM to PR. When AI moves against my beloved Veronica, I really hope we don't get flattened, but the ratings have been so shitty lately, it can't get much worse. It's a comfort to know, when you're singing the save-the-show blues, that anywhere else you could possibly go after South Beach would be a pleasure cruise.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
dipping a toe in
So this is what my blog page looks like...I'd almost forgotten. Ha ha ha moving on...
I do have things I've been meaning to share, random bits of trivia and news, rants and raves, generally bloggy material but just have not been able to get myself over here. If I had been posting all along this year, and wanted to drop a quick bit of politics in the mix, here is what it might have looked like:
Aw, that would have been fun! Getting all activist n' shit, somewhere between my latest Veronica Mars squee and a well-considered thesis on how Life & Style magazine and tabloids in general are actually managing to give rumors a bad name. How difficult is it to discredit something that by definition is already suspicious? Pretty damn difficult in my book. The word "rumor" to me now signifies nothing more than a nugget dreamt up in a tabloid writer's desperate and dreamlike imagination. There's "baseless" and then there is "batshit crazy"
Whew-look at the length of this post! I'm tired already from lack of conditioning. Like Eli Manning in August over here. So, I'm off to organize my random jottings into coherent posts that I will then bring to you, my faithful reader(s?). I've got some stuff you'll really want to come back for, like my favorite all-time miss-guesses on Wheel of Fortune. Not like wild, talk-it-out attempts during the final puzzle; people with options, time and 3/4 of the board filled just getting a few key words wrong. Till then, make it work!
I do have things I've been meaning to share, random bits of trivia and news, rants and raves, generally bloggy material but just have not been able to get myself over here. If I had been posting all along this year, and wanted to drop a quick bit of politics in the mix, here is what it might have looked like:
Title: Seriously?
Post: U.S. Internet Companies To Stand Before Congress
Today
Representatives from Microsoft Corp., Yahoo Inc., Cisco Systems Inc.
and Google Inc. were expected to face hard questions at the hearing from
lawmakers from both political parties.
...
Rep. Chris Smith said the companies are "enabling dictatorship" by helping China manipulate the Internet. "Cooperation with tyranny should not be embraced for the sake of profits," says Smith, the Republican chairman
of the House subcommittee on global human rights.
{emphasis mine} Folks, I don't have a dictionary handy - is there a word for something beyond hypocrisy?
Aw, that would have been fun! Getting all activist n' shit, somewhere between my latest Veronica Mars squee and a well-considered thesis on how Life & Style magazine and tabloids in general are actually managing to give rumors a bad name. How difficult is it to discredit something that by definition is already suspicious? Pretty damn difficult in my book. The word "rumor" to me now signifies nothing more than a nugget dreamt up in a tabloid writer's desperate and dreamlike imagination. There's "baseless" and then there is "batshit crazy"
Whew-look at the length of this post! I'm tired already from lack of conditioning. Like Eli Manning in August over here. So, I'm off to organize my random jottings into coherent posts that I will then bring to you, my faithful reader(s?). I've got some stuff you'll really want to come back for, like my favorite all-time miss-guesses on Wheel of Fortune. Not like wild, talk-it-out attempts during the final puzzle; people with options, time and 3/4 of the board filled just getting a few key words wrong. Till then, make it work!
Friday, December 02, 2005
I. Am. So. Totally. Famous.
Nerve's Scanner
Things I am ignoring in order to foster my sense of eminence:
1) I am not actually quoted by name, thus...
2) The only person who knows it was me is also half of the readership here so I’m not really getting the message out this way.
3) I am not the only person to think of it (although no question my version is funnier)
However, if you think any of this is getting in the way of me thinking I am so totally famous, you are mistaken. When you combine this with my recent publishing on the Lovemarks website (my entry was chosen as one of the top 5 for that week and featured on the community home page) it's only a matter of time before something major happens. Maybe my blog will get Gawked!
Things I am ignoring in order to foster my sense of eminence:
1) I am not actually quoted by name, thus...
2) The only person who knows it was me is also half of the readership here so I’m not really getting the message out this way.
3) I am not the only person to think of it (although no question my version is funnier)
However, if you think any of this is getting in the way of me thinking I am so totally famous, you are mistaken. When you combine this with my recent publishing on the Lovemarks website (my entry was chosen as one of the top 5 for that week and featured on the community home page) it's only a matter of time before something major happens. Maybe my blog will get Gawked!
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
*something brief*
I see now that I promised a short post after my thesis on Laguna Beach, and instead I returned with a dissertation on TV. Whoops. Here, then, a short update:
Pat Kiernan and Roger Clark were both singing yesterday. In a desperate attempt to make a story out of the weather (it's called winter and it ain't news) Roger Clark was in Herald Square asking people to name songs with "rain" in the title. Most people said "Singing in the Rain" or "Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head". Pat wondered why nobody had mentioned "Purple Rain" and launched into a rendition. HEE! Roger Clark joined in and it was about the funniest thing you'll see on the news except those times when British journalists go to interview ducks and end up getting chased around and falling into the pond. Oh, and seriously, I could probably name 15 songs with "rain" in the title. Once as a wedding shower game we were asked to list songs with "love" in the title. Two weeks later, my list finally petered out at about 140.
Why TV is awesome
It is immediately apparent to anyone who gets to know me even a little bit that I am a TV fanatic. I used to conceal this fact or at least get defensive about my preferred medium of entertainment, but no more. Read a lot of books and you’re “intellectual”. Watch a ton of movies and you’re “cultured”. But admit to religiously following any show not on HBO and you’re “an idiot”. Well, today I bring you my reasons why TV is awesome.
A novelist has almost complete control over their work. Certainly, an editor may make changes or contributions, but ultimately Philip Roth puts out the exact book he wants to put out. A singular achievement, in every sense of the word. One artistic voice impervious to meddling. Want to write a short story? That’s cool. A mid-sized chick lit beach read? Good on you. An epic masterpiece thick enough to be its own coffee table? Best of luck selling it but it’s your call.
A movie director usually has majority control over their work. That is, once they have a script they like, actors approved by the studio and enough money to execute their vision. For the purpose of my argument, I’m specifically referring to movies where the director has been afforded the ultimate luxury: final cut. Where they may begin with a good script or a shaky one, have Oscar-caliber actors or be forced to cast Denise Richards, at the end of the day the product that leaves their hands is the culmination of their best intents and efforts. Even when they do not have final cut and the studio comes in with test marketing results calling for a new ending, once the movie is done it is done and you have a completed piece of work, if not always a piece of art. You have somewhere between 90 and 150 minutes, unless you are Peter Jackson, with which to convey your full creative statement.
But who controls a TV show? To an extent, the creator/writer/producer a la JJ Abrams, or Rob Thomas (the genius behind Veronica Mars-you saw that coming).
They have the initial idea, usually write the first few scripts and oversee the arc of the show should it continue. Aye, there’s the rub. Because the life of a TV show is almost directly controlled by the audience or lack thereof. We all bitch and moan when brilliant shows like Arrested Development or My So-Called Life are taken off the air prematurely, but the upshot is if people were watching them, the networks would have kept them on the air. As an exec producer, you have no idea if you are writing something that will be on the air for three episodes or three years. What if MSCL had stayed on the air as long as Buffy did? Would it have had rough patches and a mildly unsatisfying ending? Do we love it more because it was like James Dean-young and full of amazing promise that was never really put to the test? What if the X-Files had ended two or three years earlier? Would people now be talking about how much they miss it or how great everything wrapped up? The push and pull between making something that is ostensibly meant to continue as long as possible but always being ready to wrap it up neatly if need be is what makes TV the most difficult and awesome form of entertainment. A novelist or screenwriter has a complete idea; beginning, middle, end. An EP has to be ready to continue the show as long as people are watching and the network will allow. Rob Thomas mostly had everything mapped out for the first year of VM, but then the show continued. I’ve seen various arguments on the merits of S1 vs. S2 but my feeling is you have to give the have to give the advantage to Season 2 if only because the degree of difficulty is so much higher – keep loyal viewers hooked, attract new viewers, don’t repeat things from the first season and be ready with a meaningful conclusion if (god forbid) it ends early. Thus far, they have managed to walk that tightrope with dazzling precision and I have total faith that the many questions raised thus far will be answered in due time. Unlike say, Lost, where I have no belief whatsoever that they can plausibly dig themselves out of the hole anymore. There is a perfect example of why TV is so tricky. The first season was well balanced between back stories and unraveling mysteries but now it has devolved into an increasingly ridiculous puzzle with no end in sight. And that’s exactly it - from the producers’ perspective there is no end in sight. Lord knows if I had the number 5 show on TV my focus would be, “how do we keep this going?” not “how do we wrap this up?” The artistic choice is gone and they are now beholden to the audience to continue even if it could all be brilliantly and best concluded at the end of this season.
To a lesser extent, the audience response can also determine the detailed direction a show takes. More specifically, character pairings, or “ships” as we internet-savvy folks like to call them, are often steered according to fan desire. Would anyone have been satisfied by Friends ending without Ross and Rachel getting together? As a Dawson-Joey shipper, my heart was broken in half by the ending of that show, but the overwhelming fan base seemed to be Pacey-Joey shippers. (I could go into why it is completely unacceptable to have the titular character of the show not get the girl…but I won’t). The second facet to this theory is that audience response is almost directly correspondent to the actor playing the role. Here again is where the EP loses control over his or her baby. You cast an actor based on several auditions, a screen test and maybe a reading with someone already hired. How on earth can you really be sure that this person will be able to handle any twists and turns that come up? What if you decide a protagonist should turn bad or a villain become sympathetic? Here again I turn to Veronica Mars for an example. At the onset of the show, you have two boys, Duncan and Logan. Duncan is the sweet, if distant, former love of Veronica and distraught brother of the murdered Lilly. Logan, to use Veronica’s words, is the school’s “obligatory psychotic jackass”. So why after the course of a season, are the internet boards overwhelmed with Logan-Veronica devotees (LoVe shippers, as we like to be known) and only meekly populated with fans delusional enough to support VD? As Jon Lovitz would have declared, the reason is “Acting!” Throughout the first season, Jason Dohring as Logan crafted a charming, layered and magnetic character whose on-screen chemistry with Kristen Bell’s Veronica was smoking. Whereas Teddy Dunn, as Duncan, is so robotic in his responses and inscrutable in his intentions, the writers had to give him a fake type of epilepsy complete with emotion-numbing medication to explain his bizarre lack of characterization. Fans have taken to all sorts of speculation about the reasons for Duncan’s behavior, willing to believe it is all part of a carefully constructed plot. But here again is where Rob Thomas, EP extraordinaire, cannot control everything in his universe. Teddy Dunn is just a weak actor and now, no matter how much the writers would like to craft a magnificent storyline for Veronica and Duncan, the majority of the fans are protesting anything that stands in the way of LoVe. Yes, my opinion is sure as heck biased, but I would direct you to TWoP for full Backup. (hee. That’s the name of her dog)
My point is (I heard that. Yes, I have one) that with several crucial factors beyond their control, TV EPs have the most difficult task to create something great. Clearly, there is a lot of crap on TV. But there are also shitty movies and lame books, too. When a TV show is well-written, convincingly acted and sustains a consistent level of quality over the course of years, that is truly awesome.
A novelist has almost complete control over their work. Certainly, an editor may make changes or contributions, but ultimately Philip Roth puts out the exact book he wants to put out. A singular achievement, in every sense of the word. One artistic voice impervious to meddling. Want to write a short story? That’s cool. A mid-sized chick lit beach read? Good on you. An epic masterpiece thick enough to be its own coffee table? Best of luck selling it but it’s your call.
A movie director usually has majority control over their work. That is, once they have a script they like, actors approved by the studio and enough money to execute their vision. For the purpose of my argument, I’m specifically referring to movies where the director has been afforded the ultimate luxury: final cut. Where they may begin with a good script or a shaky one, have Oscar-caliber actors or be forced to cast Denise Richards, at the end of the day the product that leaves their hands is the culmination of their best intents and efforts. Even when they do not have final cut and the studio comes in with test marketing results calling for a new ending, once the movie is done it is done and you have a completed piece of work, if not always a piece of art. You have somewhere between 90 and 150 minutes, unless you are Peter Jackson, with which to convey your full creative statement.
But who controls a TV show? To an extent, the creator/writer/producer a la JJ Abrams, or Rob Thomas (the genius behind Veronica Mars-you saw that coming).
They have the initial idea, usually write the first few scripts and oversee the arc of the show should it continue. Aye, there’s the rub. Because the life of a TV show is almost directly controlled by the audience or lack thereof. We all bitch and moan when brilliant shows like Arrested Development or My So-Called Life are taken off the air prematurely, but the upshot is if people were watching them, the networks would have kept them on the air. As an exec producer, you have no idea if you are writing something that will be on the air for three episodes or three years. What if MSCL had stayed on the air as long as Buffy did? Would it have had rough patches and a mildly unsatisfying ending? Do we love it more because it was like James Dean-young and full of amazing promise that was never really put to the test? What if the X-Files had ended two or three years earlier? Would people now be talking about how much they miss it or how great everything wrapped up? The push and pull between making something that is ostensibly meant to continue as long as possible but always being ready to wrap it up neatly if need be is what makes TV the most difficult and awesome form of entertainment. A novelist or screenwriter has a complete idea; beginning, middle, end. An EP has to be ready to continue the show as long as people are watching and the network will allow. Rob Thomas mostly had everything mapped out for the first year of VM, but then the show continued. I’ve seen various arguments on the merits of S1 vs. S2 but my feeling is you have to give the have to give the advantage to Season 2 if only because the degree of difficulty is so much higher – keep loyal viewers hooked, attract new viewers, don’t repeat things from the first season and be ready with a meaningful conclusion if (god forbid) it ends early. Thus far, they have managed to walk that tightrope with dazzling precision and I have total faith that the many questions raised thus far will be answered in due time. Unlike say, Lost, where I have no belief whatsoever that they can plausibly dig themselves out of the hole anymore. There is a perfect example of why TV is so tricky. The first season was well balanced between back stories and unraveling mysteries but now it has devolved into an increasingly ridiculous puzzle with no end in sight. And that’s exactly it - from the producers’ perspective there is no end in sight. Lord knows if I had the number 5 show on TV my focus would be, “how do we keep this going?” not “how do we wrap this up?” The artistic choice is gone and they are now beholden to the audience to continue even if it could all be brilliantly and best concluded at the end of this season.
To a lesser extent, the audience response can also determine the detailed direction a show takes. More specifically, character pairings, or “ships” as we internet-savvy folks like to call them, are often steered according to fan desire. Would anyone have been satisfied by Friends ending without Ross and Rachel getting together? As a Dawson-Joey shipper, my heart was broken in half by the ending of that show, but the overwhelming fan base seemed to be Pacey-Joey shippers. (I could go into why it is completely unacceptable to have the titular character of the show not get the girl…but I won’t). The second facet to this theory is that audience response is almost directly correspondent to the actor playing the role. Here again is where the EP loses control over his or her baby. You cast an actor based on several auditions, a screen test and maybe a reading with someone already hired. How on earth can you really be sure that this person will be able to handle any twists and turns that come up? What if you decide a protagonist should turn bad or a villain become sympathetic? Here again I turn to Veronica Mars for an example. At the onset of the show, you have two boys, Duncan and Logan. Duncan is the sweet, if distant, former love of Veronica and distraught brother of the murdered Lilly. Logan, to use Veronica’s words, is the school’s “obligatory psychotic jackass”. So why after the course of a season, are the internet boards overwhelmed with Logan-Veronica devotees (LoVe shippers, as we like to be known) and only meekly populated with fans delusional enough to support VD? As Jon Lovitz would have declared, the reason is “Acting!” Throughout the first season, Jason Dohring as Logan crafted a charming, layered and magnetic character whose on-screen chemistry with Kristen Bell’s Veronica was smoking. Whereas Teddy Dunn, as Duncan, is so robotic in his responses and inscrutable in his intentions, the writers had to give him a fake type of epilepsy complete with emotion-numbing medication to explain his bizarre lack of characterization. Fans have taken to all sorts of speculation about the reasons for Duncan’s behavior, willing to believe it is all part of a carefully constructed plot. But here again is where Rob Thomas, EP extraordinaire, cannot control everything in his universe. Teddy Dunn is just a weak actor and now, no matter how much the writers would like to craft a magnificent storyline for Veronica and Duncan, the majority of the fans are protesting anything that stands in the way of LoVe. Yes, my opinion is sure as heck biased, but I would direct you to TWoP for full Backup. (hee. That’s the name of her dog)
My point is (I heard that. Yes, I have one) that with several crucial factors beyond their control, TV EPs have the most difficult task to create something great. Clearly, there is a lot of crap on TV. But there are also shitty movies and lame books, too. When a TV show is well-written, convincingly acted and sustains a consistent level of quality over the course of years, that is truly awesome.
Friday, November 18, 2005
Laguna Beach recap
So Entertainment Weekly has already pointed out why LB: TROC is better than The O.C. this season. (Which I can totally not link to! Sorry) Since my expectations for The OC were greatly diminished, I myself have mostly been digging this season. However, some rumblings have been making me nervous. I know show runners around the world (I’m looking at you, J.J. Abrams) might have a heart attack to hear this, so I’m going to go slow and emphasize this point: I LIKE it when main characters, i.e. Seth and Summer, stay TOGETHER. I DON’T LIKE it when there is constant breaking up and getting back together. I know the show is called a “drama” but contrary to standard notions and practices, that does not automatically mean every couple must break up once a season.
However, the exception to that rule is reality shows, like our beloved Laguna Beach. If those people could break up and get back together once every month or so, that would be pretty much ideal. And the good news is, they usually do. After the first season’s archetypal Kristin-Stephen-LC triangle, I was fully convinced they would not be able to produce a compelling second season. What could possibly live up to it? And at first, I think I was right. When the season one finale aired, MTV had Kristin on as a guest host in the TRL studio. They show preview clips of the second season which totally focused on Casey, the new drag queen, I mean student, at LB High. Even from those short clips I knew she was too weird and not nearly slutty or conniving enough to be interesting, though not from a lack of trying on her part. So while I didn’t watch all of this season of LB, from what I did see there was mercifully little Casey and a continued focus on K-S-LC, until Jason started making things interesting. What a giant tool that guy is. He looks older than Luke Perry did back in the Bev-9er days, but apparently the chicks dig him. Why he was ever dating perennial wing-girl Jessica to begin with entirely escaped me. You all are totally thinking this, but I’ll go there-she had bad skin, fuzzy hair and always wore unflattering tops like she had raided Kristin’s closet unaware that the two of them are not the same size. Dieter was in her league; Jason not so much. Their spectacular break-up was arguably the highlight of this season. It was satisfying in that you were rooting against both of them. Inevitably, when he got together with Alex M, I was rooting for Jessica to mess that shit up. It’s the opposite of being a shipper-you don’t want to see either of them happy, alone or together. And then came LC.
Digression: there are two distinct camps of Laguna Beach watchers-team Kristin and team LC. I was always Team Kristin during S1. Maybe LC’s narration was too harsh, maybe it’s like the Yankees and I enjoy rooting for winners, but I could never get behind LC’s pathetic pinning away for Stephen. However then S2 began, and Kristin seemed a bit over the top. There’s bitch and then there’s Bi-Yaatch! and she was setting up camp in the second category. And LC seemed over Stephen enough to hook up with him in Mexico and not really care too much. Kinda cool. Still, I felt myself wanting to slap I’m-too-pure-to-wear-makeup Taylor and realized I was still Team Kristin, though perhaps with a little less disdain for LC.
Back on topic: even though I am not on Team LC, I still like her enough not to want to see her with Jason. She did turn him into a high-pitched-baby-talking idiot when he was around her (“You’re cute. Hee.”) which funnier than it should have been. But, inevitably, back comes Jessica. Did I miss something or were they both drunk at the fashion show? Or is Jason that much of a monumental blockhead that he managed to kiss J in front of LC while sober? My favorite moment of that episode actually came before the kiss, when Jessica was getting her makeup reapplied and LC went just slightly psychotic on her. She was literally unable to control her annoyance and frustration despite a really valiant effort and that’s when the magic happens. It’s so much less interesting when someone is all set to throw a hissy fit, but I really think LC wanted to play it mostly cool and snarky but she failed. That moment totally turned me on LC and now I am able to love her and Kristin. Though not together. Or, together, if that’s your thing.
Wow, this was totally longer than I meant it to be, and it actually took me three days to finish! Without actually making a point about anything. Christ on a bike. Next time: something brief. (There I go with the underwear again)
However, the exception to that rule is reality shows, like our beloved Laguna Beach. If those people could break up and get back together once every month or so, that would be pretty much ideal. And the good news is, they usually do. After the first season’s archetypal Kristin-Stephen-LC triangle, I was fully convinced they would not be able to produce a compelling second season. What could possibly live up to it? And at first, I think I was right. When the season one finale aired, MTV had Kristin on as a guest host in the TRL studio. They show preview clips of the second season which totally focused on Casey, the new drag queen, I mean student, at LB High. Even from those short clips I knew she was too weird and not nearly slutty or conniving enough to be interesting, though not from a lack of trying on her part. So while I didn’t watch all of this season of LB, from what I did see there was mercifully little Casey and a continued focus on K-S-LC, until Jason started making things interesting. What a giant tool that guy is. He looks older than Luke Perry did back in the Bev-9er days, but apparently the chicks dig him. Why he was ever dating perennial wing-girl Jessica to begin with entirely escaped me. You all are totally thinking this, but I’ll go there-she had bad skin, fuzzy hair and always wore unflattering tops like she had raided Kristin’s closet unaware that the two of them are not the same size. Dieter was in her league; Jason not so much. Their spectacular break-up was arguably the highlight of this season. It was satisfying in that you were rooting against both of them. Inevitably, when he got together with Alex M, I was rooting for Jessica to mess that shit up. It’s the opposite of being a shipper-you don’t want to see either of them happy, alone or together. And then came LC.
Digression: there are two distinct camps of Laguna Beach watchers-team Kristin and team LC. I was always Team Kristin during S1. Maybe LC’s narration was too harsh, maybe it’s like the Yankees and I enjoy rooting for winners, but I could never get behind LC’s pathetic pinning away for Stephen. However then S2 began, and Kristin seemed a bit over the top. There’s bitch and then there’s Bi-Yaatch! and she was setting up camp in the second category. And LC seemed over Stephen enough to hook up with him in Mexico and not really care too much. Kinda cool. Still, I felt myself wanting to slap I’m-too-pure-to-wear-makeup Taylor and realized I was still Team Kristin, though perhaps with a little less disdain for LC.
Back on topic: even though I am not on Team LC, I still like her enough not to want to see her with Jason. She did turn him into a high-pitched-baby-talking idiot when he was around her (“You’re cute. Hee.”) which funnier than it should have been. But, inevitably, back comes Jessica. Did I miss something or were they both drunk at the fashion show? Or is Jason that much of a monumental blockhead that he managed to kiss J in front of LC while sober? My favorite moment of that episode actually came before the kiss, when Jessica was getting her makeup reapplied and LC went just slightly psychotic on her. She was literally unable to control her annoyance and frustration despite a really valiant effort and that’s when the magic happens. It’s so much less interesting when someone is all set to throw a hissy fit, but I really think LC wanted to play it mostly cool and snarky but she failed. That moment totally turned me on LC and now I am able to love her and Kristin. Though not together. Or, together, if that’s your thing.
Wow, this was totally longer than I meant it to be, and it actually took me three days to finish! Without actually making a point about anything. Christ on a bike. Next time: something brief. (There I go with the underwear again)
Friday, November 11, 2005
why I'm lame, #42
Yesterday while walking back from lunch, the heel broke off my boots. My three-inch heel snapped entirely clean off of my favorite black knee-high square-toed Nine West boots in the middle of crossing 45th St. A total Mentos moment. Yet, did I write a funny post about it? Did I have some hi-LAR-ious story to regale co-workers and my worldwide fans alike? Um, no not really. It's a situation that completely lends itself to humor and I got nothing. Well, at least it was better than the time that I tripped walking on the LES. Stone cold sober and I toppled over on my cork wedges to skin an exposed knee. I brushed the gravel off and kept walking until I noticed the blood. But somehow (and it MAY have had something to do with the 4 hurricanes I consumed in support of New Orleans) I didn't notice the full extent of the injury until much later that night. Folks, I still have a red mark there and this was early September. But at least that was a funny story. No wonder I don't have a book deal from this blog yet...
Underwear: Overthought
Every pair of underwear has a specific category-a purpose in life, if you will. There are your low-rise-wear-with jeans pairs, your low-low-rise wear with those ass-crack-showing pinstriped Dickies, your thongs for those last remaining Gap khakis with no back pockets, your A-team boy shorts for nighttime, your B-team granny panties for bed time, your varsity starters and your JV benchwarmers. And because I know that you’re wondering, yes mine are sorted by category and then stacked in priority order in my drawer. Cheeky monkeys.
Much like a mind, a pair of underwear is a terrible thing to waste. One must select the correct underwear genre and application for the correct outfit. Sometimes, however, in the dark confusion of the early morning it is possible to make a mistake. In a drawer overflowing with clean undies, somehow I managed to grab an are-these-kids-sized-low-rise pair rather than the no-VPL all-stars I should have gone with. I chalk it up to underestimating the rise on these trousers. I thought for sure I’d be in pre-baby-Britney land but besides sitting comfortably above my hips, they are also fully lined. So here I am, wasting one of two impossibly tiny pairs normally reserved for my Sevens when one of my mid-rise HappyFunPink pairs would have served just as well.
Much like a mind, a pair of underwear is a terrible thing to waste. One must select the correct underwear genre and application for the correct outfit. Sometimes, however, in the dark confusion of the early morning it is possible to make a mistake. In a drawer overflowing with clean undies, somehow I managed to grab an are-these-kids-sized-low-rise pair rather than the no-VPL all-stars I should have gone with. I chalk it up to underestimating the rise on these trousers. I thought for sure I’d be in pre-baby-Britney land but besides sitting comfortably above my hips, they are also fully lined. So here I am, wasting one of two impossibly tiny pairs normally reserved for my Sevens when one of my mid-rise HappyFunPink pairs would have served just as well.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Arrogance and Asininity
Just how bad is this Keira Knightly adaptation of Pride and Prejudice going to be? Where to begin?
a.) They’re making it “rougher, dirtier, more realistic”. I hate this revisionist crap when people remake something-it always has to have a “dark edge”, even if it’s flippin’ Oklahoma! I want to see pretty people in pretty dresses, god damn it. If I was looking for dirty or realistic, I’d be across the theatre in North Country.
b.) Judi Dench. I’m over her. She won’t be funny, and Lady Catherine DeBurgh is meant to be funny. Blah blah, James Bond, blah blah, Shakespeare in Love, blah blah - save it. If she can win an Oscar for 8 minutes of screen time, I can judge her entire performance in this movie from the trailer. Which brings us to…
c.) Ah yes, the trailer. Which makes oh so judicious use of the Howie Day song, “Collide”. HOWIE DAY. I will even risk losing all street cred here to say I sort of like that song, but not for Pride and Prejudice! I’m guessing Edwin McCain’s “I’ll Be” was too expensive. And they give the whole damn movie away. Yes, I recognize that it’s not like Jane sees dead people or Elizabeth turns out to be a man, but would it kill them to build some tension? I mean, considering the couple in question don’t even like each other for the first half, you’ve got some ground to cover before you can throw in the whole, “Their worlds kept them apart…but love brought them together” or whatever. I think I just vomited a little in my throat.
d.) The scruffy, unwashed, fugly dude playing Darcy. Yes, I get that they didn’t “shower regularly” back then, but that doesn’t mean they walked around with bed head either. That pretty people in pretty clothes thing extends to dudes as well.
e.) Last but certainly not least, Keira Knightly. She is so wrong for the part of Elizabeth Bennet, it makes my fingernails hurt. Even her teeth are wrong! Miss Bingley concedes that Eliza Bennet has good teeth and I guarantee you someone with her snaggletooth would never garner that generous of an allowance.
I’ll give you an update after I see it. Which of course I will.
a.) They’re making it “rougher, dirtier, more realistic”. I hate this revisionist crap when people remake something-it always has to have a “dark edge”, even if it’s flippin’ Oklahoma! I want to see pretty people in pretty dresses, god damn it. If I was looking for dirty or realistic, I’d be across the theatre in North Country.
b.) Judi Dench. I’m over her. She won’t be funny, and Lady Catherine DeBurgh is meant to be funny. Blah blah, James Bond, blah blah, Shakespeare in Love, blah blah - save it. If she can win an Oscar for 8 minutes of screen time, I can judge her entire performance in this movie from the trailer. Which brings us to…
c.) Ah yes, the trailer. Which makes oh so judicious use of the Howie Day song, “Collide”. HOWIE DAY. I will even risk losing all street cred here to say I sort of like that song, but not for Pride and Prejudice! I’m guessing Edwin McCain’s “I’ll Be” was too expensive. And they give the whole damn movie away. Yes, I recognize that it’s not like Jane sees dead people or Elizabeth turns out to be a man, but would it kill them to build some tension? I mean, considering the couple in question don’t even like each other for the first half, you’ve got some ground to cover before you can throw in the whole, “Their worlds kept them apart…but love brought them together” or whatever. I think I just vomited a little in my throat.
d.) The scruffy, unwashed, fugly dude playing Darcy. Yes, I get that they didn’t “shower regularly” back then, but that doesn’t mean they walked around with bed head either. That pretty people in pretty clothes thing extends to dudes as well.
e.) Last but certainly not least, Keira Knightly. She is so wrong for the part of Elizabeth Bennet, it makes my fingernails hurt. Even her teeth are wrong! Miss Bingley concedes that Eliza Bennet has good teeth and I guarantee you someone with her snaggletooth would never garner that generous of an allowance.
I’ll give you an update after I see it. Which of course I will.
so not cool
Part 2 of 2 in the series, continuing the exploration of the dichotomy between things “cool” and “not cool”
What is up with Gwen Stefani’s obvious obsession with her ex-boyfriend and current bandmate Tony Kanal?
Disclaimer up front: I love the video for “Cool”. I love the video so much that I wanted to cut and dye my hair to look just like hers in the flashbacks with the beautiful Italian boy. (Does anyone know if it is based on a movie? La Dolce Vita or Roman Holiday or some other classic I should have seen?) I love the video so much that I didn’t even pay attention to the lyrics the first 20 or so times I watched it. Which for me, is super rare. I am a fanatic for lyrics. But the video was just so damn pretty!
However, I find the message a little disturbing. Sure, it’s all well and good that he calls you by your new last name and you’re hanging out with his new girlfriend, but seriously, didn’t they break up like 10 years ago? I am not kidding-IIRC from Behind the Music MC Hammer was on the charts when the two of them were together last. Granted, she got a lot of mileage out of “Don’t Speak” which was also about their break-up, but doesn’t anyone (Gavin Rosedale, for starters) find it odd that she is still writing songs about Tony? Move on!
What is up with Gwen Stefani’s obvious obsession with her ex-boyfriend and current bandmate Tony Kanal?
Disclaimer up front: I love the video for “Cool”. I love the video so much that I wanted to cut and dye my hair to look just like hers in the flashbacks with the beautiful Italian boy. (Does anyone know if it is based on a movie? La Dolce Vita or Roman Holiday or some other classic I should have seen?) I love the video so much that I didn’t even pay attention to the lyrics the first 20 or so times I watched it. Which for me, is super rare. I am a fanatic for lyrics. But the video was just so damn pretty!
However, I find the message a little disturbing. Sure, it’s all well and good that he calls you by your new last name and you’re hanging out with his new girlfriend, but seriously, didn’t they break up like 10 years ago? I am not kidding-IIRC from Behind the Music MC Hammer was on the charts when the two of them were together last. Granted, she got a lot of mileage out of “Don’t Speak” which was also about their break-up, but doesn’t anyone (Gavin Rosedale, for starters) find it odd that she is still writing songs about Tony? Move on!
Monday, October 31, 2005
Things that are cool
- My Open Bar-the alcoholic Daily Candy. Except, you know, funny and useful.
- Friday 8:58am: "What are we doing tonight?" "No plans." "Oh, well, I guess we can have a chill night at home so we're productive on Saturday" Cut to...
- Friday 8:58pm: Sitting around a bar table at the favorite spot with future bridesmaid in for the night from Minneapolis and brother-from-another-mother who lives out in Bay Ridge and can never be tracked down. These things do not happen in Windham, CT. (And in case you were wondering, we were so not productive on Saturday. Unless reading parts 10-35 of a Veronica Mars fanfic, eating nachos for lunch and watching an assload of college football can be considered productive.)
- Getting into private events/screenings/parties via friends. Especially ones featuring potty-mouthed comediennes.
- Sweaters and boots. Hurrah for fall. Also hot bevvies like pumpkin spice and soy chai lattes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
