Friday, July 29, 2005
Whew, I've had myself a good cry and splashed my face with cold water. I'm a little shaky still, but ready to face the world again.
BTW, if the show is entirely scripted, those are some of the best actors out there. Kristen in Cabbo vs. Marissa in Tijuana? Dancing on the bar beats popping pills any day. Now all they need is for Hillary Duff to perform at prom and the circle will be complete.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Here are some positive things about summer, albeit mostly alcohol-related and some slightly douchey. I'd add fresh fruit for homemade margaritas to the list and remove the reference to Milk and Honey. [insert eye roll] Hello, the new too cool for school place that you can't get into is La Esquina. I love, love, love anyone busting on Daily Candy. Which of course I still get.
So what am I doing personally to get through this ludicrous weather? Several very exciting things:
- finally watching Veronica Mars. So good, wish I had freakin' gotten around to getting TiVo so I could have been recording these all summer. And then I could have taken a heat day and watched the whole season in order.
- Drinking insane amount of Moby's Teany bottled iced tea. At $2 a bottle, it's a more than a Diet Coke, but less than a Frappachino and I find myself obsessed with the cool, minimalist packaging and funny label blurbs. All the flavors are reliably good; the regular old iced tea with lemon is my favorite and I also highly recommend the white tea with pomegranate. In general, I have a strong predilection for bottled beverages. I love picturing my house on an episode of MTV Cribs and instead of having Heinekin and Corona like every single person on that show, I would have:
Starbucks Double Shot
Teany in 3 or 4 flavors
Diet Coke and Diet Vanilla Coke (obvies)
Silk Chocolate Soy Milk
All arranged perfectly so that the labels are facing forward and in alphabetical order.
(what am I writing this post about? scroll up...oh yes, how I am getting through the summer. Ever go to a movie and the trailers are so long that when the opening credits start you forget what movie you're seeing?)
- Looking ahead to my trip to Germany! And practicing for all of the beer-soaked days at Oktoberfest. What, you don't think Lance Armstrong just waits to get on his bike for the Tour? No, he trains far in advance. That's what I was doing Sunday night (homemade fresh-fruit margaritas). Training. Prost!
- Not posting enough on this blog. My bad.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
- Wicked, as in "it's wicked hot outside", "I hear Wedding Crashers is supposed to be wicked funny" or the ideal usage, "Joey McIntyre was wicked awesome on Dancing With the Stars"
- Retarded as in " the line for the new Harry Potter book was retarded, so we ordered it online instead. It's a wicked long book"
- Gay, in the 3rd grade sense of "Bowling is totally gay" (except, of course, that bowling is wicked fun.)
- Duh, or for a truly juvenile flashback, doye (pronounced "doy-EE") or no doye. "Duh. John Roberts is totally not related to Julia Roberts. What are you, retarded?"
Moving on, unless you are being paid millions of dollars to do it, running in public is just never, ever cool. Jogging is fine. Jogging is Nike Dri-Weave shorts, a t-shirt from your alma matter and a mini-iPod in your armband. Running is oh-shit-I-am-so-late for the 6:34 to New Haven. Travel bag banging at your side and legs flailing back like you are going to kick yourself in the ass.
Stepping outside my office into the hallway yesterday afternoon, I caught someone running. And then they had to slow down, gradually, into the "Running? Who, me? No way dude I was totally just walking sort of quickly" pace. Into the bathroom.
Perhaps this is a location joke in that you had to be there, but I found it wicked funny. Which brings me to my next topic...
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Sandra Oh for Grey's Anatomy-I love this show. Granted, I would watch Patrick Dempsey practicing his penmanship if it was on TV
Terry O'Quinn for Lost-The flashback to him with hair was amazing.
Jason Bateman for Arrested Development-happy for him, though my real crush is on Will Arnett. Hot and funny-damn you, Amy Poehler!
Hugh Laurie for House-"Jeeves, whatever could be wrong with this patient? Is is the dreaded Aunt-itis? My word, how unpleasant! Fetch me some narcotics, would you old chap?" "Certainly, sir"
With Scrubs also getting a nod for Best Comedy Series but no repeat nom for CSI, the motto this year seems to be, "Doctors rule, cops drool"
West Wing for Outstanding Drama-resurgence, my ass. No Lowe, no go. Time to Kevorkian this show.
Doris Roberts for Everyone Loves Raymond-I go off about how this show derives 90% of its comedy from portraying the mothers as nagging, critical harpies and the fathers as luckless, incompetent twits, reinforcing negative stereotypes and reusing bad "no sex for you" jokes...but I won't. Suffice to say that Doris Roberts is the least likeable old person on TV and when you consider things like Andy Rooney and the O'Reilly factor, that's saying something.
Victor Garber, unfortunately for a one-shot on Will & Grace (the lowlight part) instead of Alias, where he manages to make Jack Bristow so eeevil and yet so awesome at the same time. I'd kill to see him go up against Treat Williams (Everwood) for Best Lead Actor in a Drama. They would tie and then be forced into a sing-off from their respective bad movie versions of 60's musicals. Sure Treat was groovy as Berger, anti-war activist and hippie hottie in Hair, but c'mon. You can't beat Jesus.
And can someone explain to me how two women from Two and a Half Men are in the Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy category?? No, of course I don't watch that show. It's on CBS for chrissakes. But you're telling me two people from a CBS sitcom are funnier than...wait, hang on...hm, I don't think I watch any regular sitcoms any more. How about Austin from Project Runway? In any event, Eva Longoria and Nicolette Sheridan are going to F those B's up. This is their category-you betta watch yo' backs!
*Lazy Blogger Alert-yes, I could have linked to various source for info on the aforementioned actors and shows. Seriously, though, just hit E! Online. The channel is fairly useless (and always 3 times louder than any other channel for some unknown reason) but the website is decent.
- Hippie love-in
- "Artistic" wedding photos
- Anything to to with camping (tent in left corner)
- Get married on Disneyland's Tom Sawyer's Island
- Make an impromtu chupah from the curtains. (note the bare windows!)
- Give the underage kids screwdrivers...watch the hand, there buddy.
- Getting married at sunset on a tropical island. Gross.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Just found the Waiter Rant and lost an hour of my day. Laughed out loud at one post in particular.
In the spirit of MUG's Hump Day, here some other time-wasting websites I recommend:
- Overheard in New York: Addictive, but the bright blue screen will have you seeing funny.
- Movie Spoiler: Because you're really not going to see Fantastic 4, but you want to be able to trash it as if you had.
- Emedco: Am I the only one who loves printed barricade tape, photoluminescent exit signs and gravity-feed eyewash stations? Really? Oh...I guess so. It's better in catalog form, I swear.
If I remember, I'll try to make this a regular Wednesday feature.
On a separate note, I am seeing a play tonight, Swimming in the Shallows, that stars Ryan's ne'er do well ex-con brother Trey! How sweet is that? I am totally going to ask him if Marissa's going to jail (unlikely, no matter how much the show would improve in MB's absence).
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
This year, we have come up with a concept that we think will top our previous promotions. We are producing the first-ever reality show starring cats. The basic premise is as follows:
10 cats from animal shelters around the country will live together in a specially-designed house (a la Real World)
The house will be equipped with multiple web cameras so that viewers have 24/7 access to the action inside the house via a dedicated website
Every few days, viewers will vote to eliminate one cat from the house (who will then be adopted to a permanent home), until a winner is crowned
Professional comedy writers will write commentary, create contrived conflict within the house and lend a distinct personality to each cat
This two-week promotion will culminate in a televised show satirizing the themes found in popular reality shows. Think of it as a cross between Big Brother and Best in Show.
Under normal circumstances, I would let this stand, maybe with just a "I loved this show...when it was called 'Crazy Old Lady Down the Street'" or "Well, I've seen worse". However, I can't help but feel strongly that my cat Bernie would be perfect for this. You see, Bernie can't walk very well. His head and his ass shake independent of each other when he stands still. He falls over a lot. He could be the Timmy, or the Michael J. Fox of the house. Y'know, different, but inspiring. Plus with "normal" cats, you're just going to end up with a lot of nothing, but with Bernie you've got built-in funny. Who needs "professional comedy writers" when you have pure comic gold like a cat toppling ass over end off the coffee table? Of course, I wouldn't want him to get voted off and then adopted by some random hippie do-gooder (who the hell else would want a gimpy cat?). I just wish I'd thought of this whole cat-reality-show thing first.
Monday, July 11, 2005
1.) I hear this guy is like, actually good. Wasn't Seth reading his book last season before the prom?
2.) OMG! OMG! OMG! I hear Ron and Hermione totally get it on in this one!
That's correct, I am clearly not "literary" enough for someone that Seth Cohen would read. Wait, hang on. It says here he writes about Saved by the Bell episodes. Oh man, I am so down with that!
Friday-Oh, it began well enough, certainly. Saigon Grill surpassed expectations and we were well taken care of at the usual watering hole. Somewhere between the Miller Lite and TV theme song sing-along, things get a little fuzzy. I'm told darts were played and I have yet to find an explanation for the Bo Bice mp3s that appeared on my desktop.
Pretty much an ideal evening.
Saturday-In the 12 waking hours I managed, the Yankees tough loss was soothed with horchata, Sliding Doors and possibly the most underated teen comedy of the late 90's, Drive Me Crazy. If you can get past Melissa Joan Hart's one droopy eye (no worse than Katie Holmes seemingly stroke-induced half smile) and the constantly changing length of her hair (in the course of one day), you'll find one of the better written movies in this genre not based on Shakespeare. Not as well constructed as 10 Things I Hate About You, but way more enjoyable than She's All That. NB: written by the guy who now does Veronica Mars and is enjoying solo sucess away from his band.
Sunday-Began inauspiciously enough, but after a Yankee win and a rousing meal of moules frites and crepes, we discovered a treasure. For fear of this place turning into the next Bohemian Beer Hall, I'm sworn to secrecy. I can say this: it's more conveniently located for me, and less scene-y, than here, but the views are just as good.
It's going to be a long week...this post took me three hours to write and is mildly diverting at best. Then again, so is this, and I assume that dude got paid.
Friday, July 08, 2005
HOWEVER, it is raining today. All day today. This is not one of those New England 5-minute weather rule rains, this is a veritable monsoon brought on by a weather system so formidable they had to give it a name. And there is simply nothing grosser than walking behind you and your squelchy feet getting wetter and dirtier with every crosswalk.
Please, for my sake if not your own, put on some some freakin' wellies to keep your now-skanky toes out of the puddles and out of my sight. You can thank me later.
Monday, July 25th-viewing party at my place! Should we make it a Black and White Semi-Formal? Tiffany bracelets optional, bitchy attitude absolutely required.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
2. Earliest start to a hurricane season on record. Or something.
3. Mariah Carey's body-makeup malfunction. (short scroll down, 8th item or so)
4. Derek Jeter no longer baseball's golden boy. Hmm, I somehow blame Mariah Carey for this one, too.
5. You thought stealing ideas from anonymous blogs was bad...
Via Curbed and Gawker. What, you think I find this stuff on my own?
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
First of all, and this is much less the egregious offence, Magazine Rack has already covered Luxury Spa Finder. But most importantly, who is this Rachel Lehmann-Haupt and why is her writing wholly devoid of wit (or snark)? I will concede that Larry Dobrow occasionally veered off-topic and into personal ruminations, but this dry-as-sawdust replacement will not do. I was suspect when Alynda Wheat replaced Dalton Ross as the writer for Entertainment Weekly’s “What to Watch” column, but she proved to be a worthy successor. I do not foresee the same fate for Ms. L-H. Count me unsubscribed unless the funny comes back.
Last night, I met up with some fellow Uconn Drama Alums for drinks at Divine Bar. Nice, if pricey. Good times, though, and I hope we can get more people out next time. I have all of this "insider perspective" from my time with the talent manager and no one to foster it on! My life is not fulfilling without someone to boss around and MH can only take so much.
There's the personal update for this week...on to the interesting stuff!
Friday, July 01, 2005
In completley unrelated news, this could be the cutest thing ever.
(first paragraph only. you think I have the attention span for anything more?)
In the spirit of Al Hirschfeld, I'm calling this one...penis6