Tuesday, July 12, 2005

What's new, pussycat?

Sometimes I really love my job. And in order to keep it, I have removed all identifying details regarding the following actual letter, describing a potential event:

This year, we have come up with a concept that we think will top our previous promotions. We are producing the first-ever reality show starring cats. The basic premise is as follows:

10 cats from animal shelters around the country will live together in a specially-designed house (a la Real World)

The house will be equipped with multiple web cameras so that viewers have 24/7 access to the action inside the house via a dedicated website

Every few days, viewers will vote to eliminate one cat from the house (who will then be adopted to a permanent home), until a winner is crowned

Professional comedy writers will write commentary, create contrived conflict within the house and lend a distinct personality to each cat

This two-week promotion will culminate in a televised show satirizing the themes found in popular reality shows. Think of it as a cross between Big Brother and Best in Show.

Under normal circumstances, I would let this stand, maybe with just a "I loved this show...when it was called 'Crazy Old Lady Down the Street'" or "Well, I've seen worse". However, I can't help but feel strongly that my cat Bernie would be perfect for this. You see, Bernie can't walk very well. His head and his ass shake independent of each other when he stands still. He falls over a lot. He could be the Timmy, or the Michael J. Fox of the house. Y'know, different, but inspiring. Plus with "normal" cats, you're just going to end up with a lot of nothing, but with Bernie you've got built-in funny. Who needs "professional comedy writers" when you have pure comic gold like a cat toppling ass over end off the coffee table? Of course, I wouldn't want him to get voted off and then adopted by some random hippie do-gooder (who the hell else would want a gimpy cat?). I just wish I'd thought of this whole cat-reality-show thing first.

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