My Life as a Latte

Golden Globes Live chat

2011-01-15T18:55:00.001-05:00

Golden Globes 2011

That which we call a rose...

2010-08-03T21:41:00.002-04:00

Porn stars, cat ladies and stripper heels...am I the only entity named Jos(ce)lyn that's not totally skanky?

Jocelyn platform pump

Musical March Madness: Brand Bracketology

2010-03-19T11:20:00.003-04:00

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1634081/20100316/story.jhtml

I need to find a way to upload my completed bracket, but for now, here are the highlights:

Midwest Region
In a shocking upset, way-under-seeded crowd favorite The Hold Steady take out overhyped 1-seed Nickelback. Sure, it's never happened in the men's NCAA tourney; but in real life, no one actually likes Nickelback. Petite but voluble Pete Wentz makes it to the Sweet 16 before being muscled out by Detroit's own White Stripes, who go on to win the region over the very entertaining but predictable (read: West Virginia) Foo Fighters.

West Region
Exhausted from all of the late-night streaking to gear up for their comeback, recently reunited Blink-182 couldn't stave off a surprisingly robust Modest Mouse in the second round. Laws of the animal kingdom prevailed however, as M. Mouse were trampled by Gorillaz. The battle of the mid-90's heavyweights was intense but in the end, Green Day's soaring and politically charged anthems dominated Weezer's why-can't-I-get-the-girl poppy angst.

East Region
Both the second and third round match-ups had bands looking over their shoulder at imitators, duplicators and usurpers to *their* thrones. Creepy brilliance and haunting vocals weren't enough for Radiohead to outlast critical-darlings-gone-mass-appeal Coldplay, who in turn barely managed to hold off Vampire "We Care About Africa MORE Than You; Just Check Our Beats!" Weekend. But in a bracket-buster, Canadian upstarts Arcade Fire blazed through challenges both big (drunk and bloated Duke, ahem, U2) and small (Animal Collective without most members, who were off pursuing myriad zoological side projects) to take the region.

South Region
Overall number-1 seed Kings of Leon had a fairly easy romp through the South region, with few substantive challenges in the early rounds. Too busy either making out with chicks or preening in the mirror (respectively), Adam Lambert and John Mayer couldn't stop the hometown favorites. In the bottom of the bracket, Them Crooked Vultures proved surprisingly robust despite their age but ultimately suffered from Dave Grohl's split focus on fellow Elite Eight competitors Foo Fighters.

Final Four
In a battle of aggression, relevance and pure volume, the focused and continually prolific Green Day elevated past the influential but recently abandoned White Stripes. They went against Kings of Leon, who yelped, stuttered and wailed their way through Arcade Fire, in the final match-up. While KoL have dominated radio and sales in the past year, the depth and endurance of Green Day's catalog was too much to overcome.

I'm Here to Help

2010-03-10T11:30:00.001-05:00

I feel like a lot of younger actresses in Hollywood would benefit from a Jodie Foster / Helen Mirren co-taught seminar called "How to Gain Respect and Admiration in Hollywood, Plus Maybe a Few Oscars". Topics would include: Role Selection, Dressing Appropriately At Any Age, Being Graceful to the Media Even When They Don't Always Deserve It and a lab section on Posture.

Priority attendance given to Kristen Stewart, Miley Cyrus, Kristen Bell, and Taylor Momsen. Lilo is a lost cause at this point, but may audit the course for future credit consideration.

A (slightly drunk) Love Letter To New York City

2009-12-27T19:54:00.001-05:00

I remember before I ever dreamed of living in New York City thinking it was impossible to know the whole city. Now I know you don't have to. You only need a few blocks here and there to be familiar and the rest fills in. NYC, I love you because you give us back so much. What we need. what we ask for, what we're too afraid to ask for, and what we crave. Thank you for never giving up on me even when I clearly haven't been as faithful to you. You shine, you sparkle; you hold when I need you to. I am truly blessed to call myself a New Yorker. There is nowhere more lovely, more inspiring, more welcoming, more forgiving, more challenging. Kick my ass and I will say thanks. You are there for me, keeping my secrets like a stalwart friend. Cheers.

The New York City night makes tomorrow feel like an impossibility and a trivial at one at that. Every neon sign calls at you; especially the ones too far away to discount on the grounds of filth/terror.

Too much

2009-12-19T22:58:00.001-05:00

Too much time has passed, too much to update you on, too much work to make this blog presentable.

Meanwhile, you guys, surveying my archives has made me nostalgic and ambitious, an always dangerous combination. So here's to renewed posting and cheers to the many lovely developments in my life since my last posting. From the great (my job with the people who make American Idol. Um, yes, actually) to the small (Blogger app on iGoggle); a lot has changed since 2007, but much remains the same. I still love TV and the sound of my own voice. I genuinely think that is enough to get me back in the swing of things.

To start: Glee! Friday Night Lights! So You Think You Can Dance! It's snowing! The Golden Globes/Oscars are rolling around again! TWITTER FTMFW!!! Wow, kids, there is so much I want to talk about now, but I fear much of that is the wine spurring me on, so I will demure for now with a promise to return post-haste. If anyone ever reads this, do comment. T'would make my month. Cheers, y'all and here's to upcoming output. There is way too much out there for me to shut up about it.

Hersey sponsors the US Olympic Team

2007-08-14T10:50:00.000-04:00

My favorite bit is the cigarette.

Track 02 Update!

2007-08-09T12:40:00.001-04:00

Ok, for all of my ranting against iTunes, we had a pretty special moment today. You may or not remember my plea for information on a random mp3 that appeared in my iTunes library after a rash of music blog acquisitioning. I loved the song, but had no information on it at all, and that really does not sit well with my OCD. I’ve deleted lesser tracks if I couldn’t identify the artist or album. Heck, sometimes even a lack of album artwork (my #1 iTunes obsession) is grounds for removal. But Track 02 was really lovely and I couldn’t bring myself to dump it. So I attempted to Google the lyrics, a usually fool-proof tactic, to no avail. A few weeks ago, after another mass-download and open day, it appeared again in my library! Track 02; same sweet tune, still no identifying info. I tried to back-track my steps that day to see if I could find the actual blog it came from, but still no dice. This track was seriously messing with my already irritatingly disordered iTunes library.
All that changed this morning as I was working my way through a new batch of tunes, rating and researching missing album artwork. I was looking up a new Sea Wolf song, Middle Distance Runner and upon clicking See All Tracks by this Artist, there it was. The Garden You Planted. A key line in the chorus of Track 02 and certainly a phrase I used in my attempts to reverse-Google the lyrics. Sure enough, The Garden You Planted IS Track 02!!!
Is it sad that this is maybe the best thing that’s happened to me all week? Wait, no, I saw Max again on 47th St (sighting #4, bee tee dubs. Not that I’m bragging) yesterday, so that wins. So this will have to settle for being the best thing that’s happened to me while sitting at my work desk this week. It’s not as easy a title to claim as you might first surmise. Does this mean I can claim my own $15 iTunes reward? Because there are some soundtracks on sale that I’ve been eyeing…

Back to the Max thing for a moment – there are friends of mine who work in my same building that I randomly run into with less frequency. This has got to be the work of higher forces. How are we not BFF yet?

Freakshow of luck

2007-07-30T16:57:00.000-04:00

I win a lot of stuff. This has not always been the case; I won Optimus Prime in a drawing at Shop-Rite when I was 7, and then pretty much nothing else until college. I’m also leaving out anything merit-based in this assessment. Sure, it was awesome to snag a first place in the 6th grade monthly writing contest but I would really like to think that had nothing to do with luck.

But starting around my junior year in college, I’ve had an uncanny touch when it comes to winning random contests, raffles and drawings. All of this is not to gloat – luck is not an ability; by its nature luck is something that we have no control over and therefore nothing that I can take credit for. However, I am starting to believe it is a genetic gift, and I would just like to share my gratitude.

My father’s mother, my Oma, is the luckiest person I have heard of. From major life events to the smallest happenstances, she finds good fortune at every turn. There is almost no way for me to fully explain about my Oma’s extraordinary luck without including an extremely depressing back-story, so I’ll just put it this way: her life-long lucky streak makes me believe in things I would rather be cynical and dismissive of. I am no where NEAR as insanely lucky as she is, but I am getting warmer.

In the winter of 1999 I won TWO separate radio contests on two different stations, approximately one month apart. In the first one, the prize was dinner and two tickets to a Uconn Lady Huskies Basketball Game. Pretty sweet and I had a wicked bad cold when I won, so that cheered me up considerably. The second prize was two-fold: first I won tickets to a Rod Stewart concert. I promised to take my best friend to the show, and when MH protested, I told him he could come with me if I won the grand prize trip to Los Angeles to see a taping of the Tonight Show. Well, he and I still think Burbank is generally a waste of space but that Darrell Hammond is a gifted impersonator.

Lately, the Edge Theater Company has been the source of some of my more memorable wins. From a $200 gift certificate to Bluefly.com handed to me by Philip Seymour Hoffman, to an alleged dinner at Medieval Times with the band Run Run Riot (still waiting to hear from those folks…), I called both of my wins ahead of time, adding another ring to the freak show.

Today I received notice that I won The Morning News’ Headlines Pop Quiz. (Side note: I love this site, and reading through most of the stories linked in the headlines makes me feel just a little smarter at the end of the week.) I am still delighted when stuff like this happens, if less surprised than mere mortals might be.

My To-Do List

2007-07-09T13:53:00.000-04:00

Get manicure
Book room in Portland, ME for wedding…in 4 weeks
Buy Ziploc bags and dryer sheets
Finish blogging about the Personality Matrix
Look up A-Rod’s current HR total; realize I failed to match my number of blog posts in June
Blog about how I suck worse than the Yankees
Re-read Harry Potter 5 & 6 before 7 comes out…in 2 weeks
See Once and Ratatouille in theaters
Clear out sacks of old clothes from under the bed; donate to Sal’s Army or the freegans
Haircut?
Get my photo taken with the very large poster of Max outside of the Brooks Atkinson, thus killing two birds: making up for lost cell phone photo tragedy AND replacing tired MySpace pic that I am sick of looking at.
Blog more

Personality Matrix

2007-07-05T13:17:00.000-04:00

Click to see larger.

How my summer was made

2007-06-29T17:10:00.000-04:00

It was Tuesday and an M-F’ing hot day. I left work around 6 – technically 30 minutes later than I should but nothing too far out of the ordinary. Rocking out to my iPod, blasting past tourists on 42nd St, when I catch a glimpse. I’m not positive, but I HAVE to investigate. So I do a 180 in the middle of the sidewalk (something I am normally extremely opposed to), lift my sunglasses and start scanning the crowd. Sure enough, in the group of attractive young folks standing outside the Yoshinoya, dressed in a white t-shirt and UM track pants, was Slacker Danny and NYOne Crush of the Summer ™, Max Crumm. Naturally I walked right past him. I collected myself (mostly unsuccessfully, as you’ll learn), queued up his songs on my iPod, and made my way over.
I led with the oh-so-original “I just have to say, I love you”. Max was, of course, super sweet and gracious. I showed him the songs, TMI’d that I also named my iPod Max, but not entirely after him, because it’s just a really good name in general…Mm hmm. He asked my name and did the cute thing, “Hi [NYOne], I’m Max.” Yes, dear, yes you are.

(Side note: Have you ever found yourself watching Last Call with Carson Daly or an especially weird sketch on SNL and found yourself thinking, I can’t believe THIS is the only thing on the National Broadcasting Channel right now. This right here is what GE is spending millions of dollars to send out over the airwaves. In the same vein, I can’t believe that for two shining minutes, I was in that moment, actually talking to Max and he was talking to me.)

Back to our story – I managed to salvage a shred of good sense and asked for a picture with my cell phone. He said “Of course!” and asked his friend (who had been listening to me ramble without once laughing at me, as far as I could tell) to get us both. He apologized for being sweaty from rehearsal, which was seriously not a problem. (I’m not being gross; it was hot out, we were all sweaty). My hands were very obviously shaking as I handed the cell phone over. So lame! But they get a little shaky just thinking about this again. My heart seriously races just from recalling the specifics. I am too embarrassing for anyone to be friends with me.
Picture snapped, I thanked him again and wobbled away. You have to realize that almost all of this, but especially the last part, is a blur. I still had the phone in my hand, but must have closed it when Max’s friend handed it back. Without hitting SAVE, which you need to do on my stupid, God-forsaken cell phone if you want to keep the photo. So yeah, I lost the picture, which is pretty heartbreaking if I let myself think about it at all. BUT instead, I chose to focus on the fact that I MET MAX CRUMM. I was dying for it to happen, and it did. And he was dreamy. Hopefully, I only came off as mildly insane and hey, at least I didn’t cry. I only hope that I was able to brighten his day a fraction as much he did mine.

What? I AM ALLOWED TO BE COMPLETELY CHEESY. IT WAS MAX CRUMM.

Next week we return to your regularly scheduled sarcasm. Maybe.

Just wondering

2007-06-28T12:13:00.000-04:00

Question: Why doesn’t white-out work anymore? Back in [falsetto] the year 2000 [/falsetto] we used it daily in the BTF Box Office (Our motto: “Computers are for sissies”) and it worked fine. Ok, it did resemble Elmer’s Glue in that it dried practically clear, but that was Quill brand and all of their products are crap. But here in my current office, we have BiC ® Wite-Out ® Brand Super Smooth Correction Fluid. I am here to tell you there is nothing super about this other than its utter uselessness. It’s not dried out and crusty, it’s more of a stretchy, congealed glob connecting the sponge brush to the reservoir of gelatinous goo in the bottle. I guess the lesson here is that years of disuse is no good for the shelf life of Wite-Out, much like nail polish and one’s ability to recite the state capitals.

TOLD YOU SO

2007-06-27T11:26:00.000-04:00

I swore up and down to anyone who would listen and several people who probably didn't that I WOULD see Max Crumm on the street or in the subway at some point...

AND IT HAPPENED!!

I will come back to document the full story later. Sadly, without pictoral evidence to back me up as I am lame and forgot to hit the SAVE button on my phone after his friend (and "publicist") was kind enough to snap one of us. I really, really hate my cell phone. Meanwhile, I just needed to put this out there. I SAW MAX. And got a sweet and sweaty hug. Squee-ew. No, really, just squee. So so SO much squee.

Cause life's like this

2007-06-26T14:33:00.000-04:00

FINALLY, yesterday, the Video Gods* graced me with a showing of Fergie's Big Girls Don't Cry. From the beginning, no less. Two observations, upon rewatch:

There is nowhere NEAR enough Hot Milo in this video.
Especially when he is wearing the aforementioned unacceptable porkpie hat in one scene. WTF is with the hat? I know in the grand scheme of high-waisted denim overalls and peed-in shorts that make up Fergie’s regular vestments I shouldn’t get so worked up over one egregious piece of millinery. But that hat just punches me in the rage bone. I need way more shirtless, guitar-strumming Hot Milo if I am to ignore That Hat.

So naturally, having seen the vid again, I thought I could return to my previously peaceful toggling between MTV and VH1, leaving those trickier high-number channels out of the equation. But, glutton for punishment that I am, of course this morning I had to just check really quickly and see what might be on MTV2. They play exactly two types of music on MTV2 in the morning: hip-hop (70%) and screamo (30%), that “I AM VERY SMAD + LOUD” brand of rock. To which my response is that {sigh} I am so old but SHUT UP and wash your hair already and you know what, I ALWAYS liked Brian Krakow better anyway.
Except…for this:

I do not understand what happened to My Chemical Romance. This was probably my #1 most despised band before I really knew anything about 30 Seconds to Mars. They are shrill, angry and worst of all, seemingly humorless. As near as I can understand it, they discovered Queen sometime before writing and recording their most recent album The Black Parade, and it did them a world of good. The first video, for the title track, had the benefit of a surprisingly melodic and rousing chorus AND the lead singer’s hot new haircut/color. As for this video, well, the angry/disaffected cheerleader thing will forever be a rip-off of Nirvana, and I can’t support Gerard’s return to the black hair, but…THIS SONG. It is BEYOND catchy. You know it completely the very first time you hear it. It’s the auditory equivalent of Hey! It’s That Guy! In fact, where DO I know this song from? Oh man, this is going to drive me nuts…

*Simon LeBon and Toni Basil , natch.

WTF of the day

2007-06-20T11:27:00.000-04:00

So my mission to see the Fergie/HOT MILO video again goes on fruitlessly to this day. But I have not given up, and in fact have added Fuse and MTV2 into my morning rotation. And while I may be suffering from an acute lack of HotMilo in my life, I am being compensated for my efforts by a guarantee of at least one video every single morning that makes me put the remote down for a second to go, “…the fuck?!?” I hope I can make this a regular feature; there is certainly plenty of WTF out there:

Please watch as much of this video as you can handle*. Now let’s just sit Elliot Yamin down and ask, what HAPPENED here? Is it 1994? Is this one of those booths where they take an All-4-One video and insert you lip-syncing?

*It might not be much. Or you might be like me and find yourself physically unable to turn away until the whole thing is done. I think maybe the fact that I just saw this again recently really helped.

2007-06-14T14:33:00.000-04:00

Watch this show:

You will not be sorry. Also, it must be summer if I’m actually watching a show on CBS.

I noticed a funny thing the other day - I have the same number of posts in April and May as A-Rod has home runs for the respective months. So I only need two more here in June to catch up! Pick it up, slugger, or my fan(s) here will be sorely disappointed!

Speaking of baseball, the Yankees are on their way to sweeping the Arizona Diamondbacks as I type this and thus far I have only one question.

What the Eff IS this? A hockey jersey? I find it totally offensive when teams/schools shorten their names to something slangy on official game wear (a la Mizzou. Gross). And also, Gordon Ramsay called and would like his font back.

Mixtape (thank god it's not) Monday!

2007-06-07T14:40:00.000-04:00

Choosing a name for your band is not easy. It is the very first impression you will likely make on anyone. While it is possible to randomly overhear music without knowing who the artist is (a dangerous situation in which one can find oneself bopping along to Stars Are Blind, because I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS A PARIS HILTON SONG, OK, AND IT’S DAMN CATCHY AND YOU KNOW YOU LIKE IT TOO. Ahem.) it's rare. So when it comes time to pick a name for your band, you want something generally short, not already in use by any other of the 8 billion bands on MySpace and of course somewhat evocative of your sound. Well, sometimes two out of three is the best you can do.

Death Cab for Cutie – Marching Bands of Manhattan
Think back to when you first heard of Death Cab. Oh shut up, hipster troll, my reader(s) and I first heard of Death Cab because they were Seth Cohen’s favorite band. And come on, with the word Death in the title, I know I was not the only one surprised by the band’s vaguely-castrati sounds.

Acid House Kings – Do What You Wanna Do
Recently discovered from one or another of the awesome mp3 blogs I like to crawl through. I remember thinking to myself, ugh, there is no way I will like this band. Clearly the expectation here is psychedelic/dance/electronica, like a raver tripping at Woodstock. Imagine my delight to get happy, jangly pop, complete with handclaps!

Teddybears – Cobrastyle
On the other end of the spectrum, we have a band name that sounds like they should be playing PopFest on a double bill with the Pipettes. While there are handclaps present here as well, the vibe is more synth-Shaggy. Also, you have heard this song before. It has been featured in several commercials and movie trailers, and most prominently (at least in my house) on the soundtrack to FIFA 2006 for Sony Playstation.

The Damnwells – Kung Fu Grip Kiss
Wow, double whammy here. The name to me sounds like an angry and unwashed punk band, but the Damnwells actually play indie/alt-country rock that’s more rocking live than some of their tracks would lead you to believe. Strike two is the song title. I almost demoted this song back down to 3 stars after an initial 4-star rating, simply because I couldn’t believe I would like a song with such a ridiculous name. Well, suffice to say the song has actually made the incredibly rare leap to a FIVE star rating, and their concert (note: NOT my photos) kicked some serious ass (in a hygienic and non-punk way).

Rigby Lane – link to their MySpace page
This pains me in a way, because I know these guys and they are awesome people. The band’s previous incarnation was called Catherine St. and while everyone agrees that was a basically acceptable name, numerous changes in the lineup dictated an entirely new band name for the remaining members. Here is the problem: they are not, I repeat NOT, actually a Beatles tribute band. I know, right?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Has anyone else noticed that I fluctuate between listing the songs title first vs. band name first? Yeah, it annoys me too. In this post, listing the band name first made sense as that was the thematic thread tying together the mix. But I feel like my default is song title first, then artist name, like reading left to right in iTunes. I need to do some research on music blog standards. OR if you have a preference one way or the other, do tell.

Dirty!

2007-06-07T13:43:00.000-04:00

Working on a slightly delayed Mixtape Monday for y'all. Meanwhile, I'm hosting my music at Box.net and if you don't think that tags like "My Public Box", "Share Your Box" and "Upgrade Your Box" make me laugh each and every time, well clearly we don't know each other very well.

A lack of blogging

2007-06-04T14:21:00.000-04:00

…not because there is nothing to blog about. On the contrary, there are loads of things I’ve been meaning to share, but a change in my work environment makes daytime blogging infinitely more challenging. Why not just do it at home in the evenings like a responsible person? Look, it’s hard to argue with you when you won’t stop making sense. BACK OFF! No, sorry, please don’t.
Currently the things I feel most strongly in need of sharing (in ascending order of importance):

Thank Effing God the Yankees won last night. MH and I constantly play the “If X = Y, then T = D” game, wherein X is the current batter, Y is the desired result of the at-bat, usually a homerun, T is some form of reward and D is usually an alcoholic beverage. So it’s normally, “If Derek Jeter hits a homerun right here I’m going out and getting ingredients for margaritas”. And A-Rod’s top of the 9th two out at-bat would have been an IDEAL opportunity for this game, but unfortunately we were thoroughly convinced that a lead squandered is a lead lost and so were watching the MTV Movie Awards instead at the time.

Which brings me to point the second: was it me or was Mike Myers disturbingly hot in the black tie/black shirt combo doing his Austin Powers dance? I was a little distracted by the threat of Cam Diaz’s crotch coming out to attack, but DAMN. Boyfriend was kind of working it. As was maybe Shia LeBoef and he is at least 20 by now, plus I have heard rumors that he’s fibbing about his actual age so don’t look at me that way.

WHICH in turn brings me to my most significant point, WRT to “working it” and hot guys. Obvies I have been enjoying Milo Ventimiglia as Possessor of Emo Bangs of Hotness Peter Petrelli on Heroes. So much so, that he even looks better to me in old eps of Gilmore Girls (specifically, the sprinkler scene and the much later Jess-gets-his-shit-together last time we see him). But nothing really prepared me for this:

HE HAS NO RIGHT TO LOOK THAT GOOD. I'm just saying.
I might possibly enjoy this song, and Fergie’s oeuvre as a whole, despite her often tragic fashion choices. (A porkpie hat...that just hurts.) I often spend my small window of free/napping time in the mornings flipping between MTV and VH1 because at that ungodly hour they actually show music videos. Seriously though you guys, ever since I first saw this vid, all I do is obsessively check back and forth waiting for this video to play. And does it? No! I get Pink (which, Ok but the song is better enjoyed on the radio), Kelly Clarkson (which, awesome) and simultaneous Carrie Underwood on both channels (COME ON!) but no greasy-ponytail-wearing, fake-tattoo-sporting, HOTTER THAN FIRE MV have I seen in the last two weeks. I know that this is why God invented YouTube, but for reals, MTV. I need a pick-me-up in the morning – make mine a Venti.

Eek! A Week!

2007-05-15T15:41:00.000-04:00

Ok, I know I suck. I missed From the Archives, Mixtape Monday and don't really have a This Week In: Crushes prepared yet. (In my defense, *someone* picked an awfully inconvenient time to start sucking. Yeah, I'm looking at you, Lewis.) In other news, my TV died. Tragedy, especially so close to the finale season! I could take it as a sign from God that I watch too much TV, but luckily I was shown a sign yesterday that that is not the case. On the way to buy a new (awesome, huge, HD) TV, I sort-of-by-way-of-MH spotted John Krasinski! Here:

No, obviously I didn't actually take that picture, but that is where we saw him - passing by the premiere of Shrek 3. MH was super casual about it, all, "Hey, there's John Krasinski. He looks good" as I proceeded to lose my shit just a smidge. I am 100% useless at spotting celebrities. It doesn't help being this low to the ground, but for reals, yesterday, in addition to JK, MH also saw Kelly Ripa and George Whipple. Me, I spotted Brad Blanks. As in, the Aussie from THE RADIO STATION, and how do I even know what that guy looks like? Anyway, back on topic, CLEARLY spotting JK, my #1 celebrity crush (just barely edging out Max Crumm on the shortlist of My Life Is Not Complete Until I See...) is a message from above that the mission to get the awesome, huge, HD TV was blessed. I'm thinking my Max sighting might come when I go to switch the DVR box. Boy's gonna need cable, right?

I'm just asking

2007-05-08T12:50:00.000-04:00

What is so wrong with medium? Why are there no reasonably sized coffee beverages available outside of a $4 latte? I don't want the 8 oz dinky cup that will be gone before I even get back to my office; nor do I need a French Vanilla Big Gulp. Normally, I will admit, I am a fan of the wee. I like tiny, bite-sized, kiddie portions of everything from steak to cheesecake. But sometimes you want to upgrade to the not-so-wee. Unfortunately that was not an option and now, as you may well imagine, I am sitting with a FRIGGIN' HUGE cup of joe on my desk. Not a cup of Joe, either. That would merit FH.
I also hate it when pizza places have only medium and large. No, that means you have small and large - medium is a strictly relative term requiring bookended modifiers for definition. There is no Jan without Cindy.

Mixtape Monday!

2007-05-07T12:31:00.000-04:00

Apparently I used up all of my storage allowance on EZarchive so I have switched over to box.net. Let's see if my reader(s) notice!

Today's Mixtape Monday is supremely dorky. As I mentioned before, I have this playlist, embarrassingly titled Only Connect (and I didn't even like Howard's End) where words in the band name or song title...whatever, you'll understand when you see it. The bonus is they are all lovely songs. I couldn't fit it in here, but after my last post about this, where I cracked there should be more songs with the word wolf in the title (because every damn band now is Peter and the Wolf, or Wolf Mother, or Sea Wolf, etc) I actually searched my iTunes library and found FIVE songs with wolf or wolves in the title. So that expanded the list substantially.
Anyway, ignore if you can my obsessive need to find patterns and connections everywhere and instead just enjoy the tunes!

Stars - Lamar
Ok, what is the story with this song? I LOVE it, and you may recognize it from not one, but two promos for the Office. However, every time I try to look up this "Lamar" person, I come up with someone who is clearly not responsible for this lush pop gem. I will extend my $15 iTunes gift card offer to anyone who finds me this album.

your ex-lover is dead - Stars

Fallen Snow - Au Revoir Simone

Shut Your Eyes - Snow Patrol

Haligh, Haligh, A Lie, Haligh - Bright Eyes

Telescope Eyes - Eisley

I know, nothing revolutionary here, but you see where it's going. And except for the Bright Eyes song, all 4-stars in my book. The great thing about having basically terrible taste in music and owning up to it is that I never have to pretend to like a band (coughJane'sAddictioncough) when my heart lies elsewhere.
I promise to be back, hopefully tomorrow, with actual interesting things to talk about. I've missed my window to discuss:

Future Peter's look on Heroes: Loss of the Emo Bangs vs That Scar.
The unending awesomeness that is Blake
Why Reuben looked like he was posing for his 8th-grade yearbook picture?
Cinco de Derby: Isn't a Mint Julep really just a Bourbon Mojito?

But I'm sure there is plenty more where that came from. I was supposed to have a subscription to Premiere magazine (thanks, work!) but they of course folded, so the replacement has been Us Weekly. As if I didn't do enough damage to my brain cells on the weekend benders. My main reaction thus far has been, Katie Holmes. When POSH SPICE is your only link to the real world, things have gotten BAD. Y'all KNOW I loved the Spice Girls (that doll collection is going be worth serious $$ some day, I'm telling you) but you could never ever trust Posh to know what was going on. I'm not even talking about the "I've never read a whole book in my life" bit that came AFTER she released a "memoir". Back in the day, Ginger had to explain to her the math behind "If you put 2 and 2 together/You will see what a friendship is 4". Aw man. I really miss my sneakers with 4-inch rubber platforms.

This Week in: Crushes

2007-05-01T14:42:00.000-04:00

'Nuff said.

Mixtape Monday!

2007-04-30T14:15:00.000-04:00

Naturally, with all the talk of covers lately, that is the theme of today's Mixtape Monday. This was challenging for me to compile. Ideally I would want to do a more tightly thematic list, i.e. Really White Covers of Hip-Hop or everyone's favorite Crap Pop Songs Covered by Bands With Indie Cred, but unfortunately, I didn't have 5 solid songs in either category. So here is a smattering of both, with a dash of straight-up Actually Good Covers. Enjoy!

Bitches Ain't Shit - Ben Folds
Baby Got Back - Jonathan Coulton
Here we have the first category covered, and I think you'll enjoy these. Ben Folds has such a lovely, sincere delivery on lines like, "That's some real conversation for your ass". And Jonathan Coulton gives BGB the Jordin Sparks treatment - making it more of a song than you ever realized it could be.

Since U Been Gone - Ted Leo
Worth it for the "cover art" pic of Ted and our girl Kelly Clarkson. Bonus: he goes in to "Maps" in the second half, then brings it back on home.

Cry Me a River - Lost Prophets
Don't let the Gregorian-chant intro throw you - this is appropriately angsty and rocky and definitely worth sticking with.

It should be noted that neither of these songs in their original versions actually qualify as Crap Pop Songs. But for whatever reason, I didn't feel like including Ben Gibbard's take on Avril's Complicated. Oh, ok FINE. At least it's definitely a Crap Pop Song, whereas Since U Been Gone is maybe our generation's Good Vibrations - an indelible contribution to the pop music landscape, elevating the artist beyond previously reasonable expectations of quality, up into The Next Level.

Whew. Only room for one more song, and I'm already being generous given the bonus track above. But I love to share (take that, only-child-stereotypes). So my one contribution in the Actually Good Covers category:
Brand New Key - Betty Dylan
How good is this cover? Well, it won't change your life or anything, calm down. But, I used to HATE this song...no, wait, let's back up. Like many of you, I suspect, I had never heard the original Melanie version until Boogie Nights came out. And then I heard it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. For two whole weeks, thanks to the girl on my floor at Buckley who also borrowed my copy of Spaceballs and never returned it. (Bitch.) So at this point, I hate the song. I'm not going so far as to say that this cover rescued the song for me, after a certain point you have to let things go and it is a hilarious and dirty song. But I find myself really slow-jammy-rocking out to this Betty Dylan chick.

That's it for today kids! According to EW, it is Adrian Pasdar's b-day and he is another year of awesome. I also caught up on Grey's Anatomy over the weekend, and what is UP with that show? I would throw in a Seriously?! there, but I don't want to give them the satisfaction. Alan Sepinwell of the NJ Star Ledger has it about right here. Shut Up, Izzie, is really all I can say. I can honestly say I am not really looking forward to whatever crazy shit they have planned for sweeps. Was Denny's death already last May? Huh. And yet the rage at that ridiculous turn of events feels so fresh.
I hate to leave things on such a crabby note, so...Explorer's Club! Again! Tell me you don't love this song!!!

From the Archives

2007-04-27T10:05:00.000-04:00

April 19, 2006:

AI was surprisingly good! Chris did better than I expected him to, especially with a really overdone song. Not a huge fan of Ace with the ponytail, but I thought he sounded good. For him. I will be sad to see him go when he does, but he’s definitely the weakest vocally. Elliot is just too weird looking. He makes the most uncomfortable faces, with his eyes all bugged out. I totally agreed with Simon’s assessment that personality is a big factor tonight. Basically, these are really romantic songs and Elliot just can’t sell romance. Kellie, poor, stupid Kellie. It started out ok and just got worse as she went on. She had some really, truly pretty notes and some really wonky ones as well. I still don’t see her going home. They have sold her so hard and I'm guessing she has a solid fanbase as a result. Taylor was unremarkable, totally meh. I hope he’ll be in the bottom three with Elliot and either Ace or Kellie. My prediction to go home is Elliot. I sense that he’s like VM in a way – a fiercely loyal but unfortunately tiny fanbase. Anyone else notice that Simon has a total hard-on for Kellie, but he resists pimping her too much lest people believe she is totally safe? All of the Grassy Knoll theories on the AI boards are hilarious, because no matter what happens, someone has an explanation for how TPTB are working to guarantee a victory for TCO. Except no one can really agree on who TCO is. I guess the general consensus is that it’s Chris, b/c they want a white male to win this time and he’s pretty sellable. But some people will say it’s Kat or Kellie and then explain how praising/criticizing other contestants plays into the conspiracy. While I stand by my belief that they manipulate the bottom 3, except for the actual lowest-vote-getter and I certainly see them favoring certain people with loads of screen time (i.e. Kellie) I don’t think it’s quite the vast plot some make it out to be. First of all, there are laws against rigging game/reality shows, so they can’t legally boot off someone they don’t want to win. Secondly, given the paltry record sales of every winner except for Kelly, I think they realize the money is in making the show interesting. Lastly, in this day and age of spoilers and the internet, details of something that orchestrated and involved would leak faster than Grace’s water bra.

A totally original idea...

2007-04-26T16:37:00.000-04:00

Gather round, kids, we’re going to play iTunes Roulette. Here's how it works: you take your entire iTunes library, put it on shuffle and record – HONESTLY – the first 10 songs that play. Those are the rules of iTunes Roulette and they are unflinchingly rigid. In the interest of full disclosure, please note this is my work computer where I mostly have random songs from mp3 blogs as opposed to full albums of my own crap. Here we go!

Hallelujah – k.d. lang
Wow, this certainly makes my earlier comment about MOKB's Covers Project seems oddly prescient. Wish it had been one of my 5+ versions of There is a Light That Never Goes Out, ideally the Joseph Arthur one. Hallelujah is tricky – there is no question it is overused in TV/movies and not just by Josh Schwartz. There are some arguably great covers of it out there. (I suppose anyone other than Leonard Cohen is doing a cover version). But as Captain Obvious as it may be, the Jeff Buckley version is still not only far and away my favorite, it is one of those songs that makes you wonder what life was like before you knew that song existed. Weren’t you just a little bit less until that song came into your life? Heady stuff – I could do a whole post just on that, but we haven’t the time or space here. Moving on!
Skyway – the Replacements
FANTASTIC – love this song. Instant 4-stars for me. Wow, we are off to a reasonably promising start.
Creep – Brandi Carlisle
Slap me if you must but when this started I was confused, though not disappointed, wondering when I got a Dilana track in my iTunes? Yeah, sorry, this song just reminds me of Rockstar: Supernova.
Umbrellas – Sleeping At Last*
Based on this song and "Ships" by Umbrellas, I created an entire playlist where words jump from song titles to band names (and sometimes back again). Most useful words: stars and eyes. If only there were more songs with Wolf in the title.
*hmm, seem to have misplaced the link, sorry about that
Put Your Hands on Me – Joss Stone
What the H happened to this girl? The gross look-at-me hair and skanky outfits; I’m just not down with any of it. I can’t quite fathom why I have this song. Though I might still like Fell In Love With a Boy.
Forever – The Explorers Club
AAAA – OMG – I – words – font too small – cannot express – breathe – ok, ok, I think I’m back.
I BEYOND LOVE this song. When I first heard it, ok, well, this guy had the exact same thoughts so just read it there. It’s both an accurate and precise description. I could listen to this OVER AND OVER AND OVER. If there is only one song you take with you today, let it be this one. To get this song in iTunes roulette is like…I don’t know, I’m just too happy for words.
Fireworks – Whitest Boy Alive
Well, this is a nice break for me. Nothing at all to write about this song.
Miss You Now – Stereophonics
Um, sure, this is fine too.
So Nice (Summer Samba) – Astrud Gilberto
Why yes, Pottery Barn, I would LOVE a mojito right about now.
Baby Fratelli – The Fratellis
While not nearly as kick-ass and catchy as Flathead, this is still a nice slice of garage rock with some Beatles-circa-Help!-esque vocals.
All in all, a VAST improvement over the time I played iTunes roulette on my home computer. Yeah, that was a wealth of embarrassment which I will naturally share with you some Friday in a From the Archives.

I'm sure it was a whole wheat donut...

2007-04-26T11:25:00.000-04:00

Clinton
Fights Obesity on 'Rachael Ray'

Former President Bill Clinton appears on an episode of "Rachael Ray" today
to announce a partnership with the popular chef to publicize various
anti-obesity initiatives, the New York Times reported yesterday. Clinton used
his surprise cameo in Ray's television kitchen to publicize the collaboration
between her nonprofit Yum-o Organization and the Clinton Foundation's Alliance
for a Healthier Generation, founded in cooperation with the American Heart
Association.
Ray's nonprofit Yum-o Organization is intended to educate
consumers about healthy, easy-to-prepare foods through a variety of channels,
including show segments, a dedicated Web site, scholarships and related media
exposure. (The name is taken from Ray's frequent exclamation of culinary
delight.)

Nice timing, considering that I just saw Ray Ray in a DUNKIN’ DONUTS commercial this morning, where she grabs “her regular coffee and donut to go”. Real brand synergy there.

Edited Friday 4/27: Ok, fine, I saw the commercial again this morning and it's actually a "bagel and coffee", not a donut. Marginal improvement. Still! Anti-obesity initiatives + Dunkin' Donuts = false equation.

Delinquent!

2007-04-26T11:17:00.000-04:00

Darn, and I was doing so well! Sorry to have skipped yesterday, especially considering that as I was caught up on Heroes, Gilmore Girls and AI, there is no excuse not to have posted. PLUS, I have an iTunes roulette all loaded and ready to go that promises to be fun for all. So I’ll just share a few thoughts on Heroes for now, and if I get inspired (read: bored) later in the day, maybe come back with the AI thoughts.
Heroes was predictably great – I’m so happy NOT to be involved in any fandom for this show. It’s infinitely more enjoyable to just sit back and let the fun wash over me, rather than jumping in with timeline and characterization nitpicks. So with that in mind, my main observations:
WTF is the deal with Malcolm McDowell’s beard? If you look closely at it (NOT RECOMMENDED) it’s like the Target bulls-eye with a circle of hair, and then a circle of clean-shaven lip and chin and then his mouth. Ok, I’m really skeeving myself out here. Point being, dude needs no help turning the Creep-O-Meter up to 11. When Eric Roberts is on your show and you’re STILL the scary one….
Could Adrian Pasdar rock any harder? Answer: no, he could not. Plus he’s married to Natalie Maines, y’all! I love his voice – it’s almost high-pitched and gravelly at the same time. Petrelli for president, no doubt. Well, except maybe for that whole blowing-up-NYC thing. Not so much down with that.
Finally, I am so psyched for 5-years-from-now-Claire’s brown hair! What, I told you I just sit back and let the fun (and the pretty) wash over me. You want deep, analytical insight, Erin is your girl.

This Week in: Crushes

2007-04-24T09:31:00.000-04:00

{sigh}

If I was a totally awesome, dedicated blogger, I would pull up all the dreamy pictures of Max Crumm that currently adorn my laptop at home and make some kind of cute collage. But (SPOILER ALERT) I am totally lazy. Sorry about that. Next Tuesday's "This Week in: Crushes" will be totes better. Right now, John Krasinski is the scheduled Crush, though if I hear another whiff of the alleged pairing with Renee Zellweger, he will be bumped indefinitely.

Speaking of spoilers, I didn't get a chance to watch Heroes last night, which means I basically have to ban myself from the internets today so as not to accidently read something revealing. GREAT. That won't be a problem for me AT ALL.

Someone Still Loves You, Boris Yeltsin

2007-04-23T13:00:00.000-04:00

Wonder if these folks are feeling guilty, or giddy, at the news?

Mixtape Monday!

2007-04-23T10:01:00.000-04:00

Week #2 of Operation Make Blog Less Sucky is off with a bang! I happily present to you Mixtape Monday, where I will post 5 songs along a theme of mine - OR YOUR - choosing. Seriously, make requests in the comments and I'll do my best to accommodate. Naturally, the weirder the better. Today's theme is Chirpy Chicks, in honor of the OUTSTANDING weather we are experiencing today:

1.) The Pipettes – Pull Shapes
This song best encapsulates what I was aiming for with this week’s theme. So freakin’ cute and catchy.
2.) The Weepies – Gotta Have You
Not as upbeat as I might have preferred, but I love the song.
3.) Rilo Kiley – the Frug
Hmm, same problem as above. I love Jenny Lewis’s voice though and AFAIK this is about as close to bubbly as she really gets.
4.) Lily Allen – Smile
I only have this here to make a point…
5.) Lady Sovereign – Love Me or Hate Me
Which is that I wish Lady Sov would go ahead and kick Lily Allen’s ass. I do not get why Allen is such a big freaking deal and Lady Sov is still relatively unheralded. She is the biggest midget in the game, people! There is no competing with that! She wouldn’t need to pay some dodgy gang to beat up her ex and trash his apt – Lady Sov would handle that shit herself. She might even kick my ass for including her in a list titled Chirpy Chicks. But I’m willing to risk it, in order to bring you, dear reader(s) some peppy tunes on this lovely Monday.

From the Archives

2007-04-20T16:16:00.000-04:00

Something I'd like to start as a regular Friday feature, when I'm clearly too lazy to post new content: From the archives - the best of my ramblings, rants and observations from the past year or so that never made it to the pages of My Life as a Latte. For today's inaugural FtA, cast yourself back to May 2006, when the once brilliant, twisty and addictive Alias brought the crazy, broken-down roller coaster to a completely ridiculous finish:

Just finished watching the last 4 eps of Alias ever...yeah...there were some problems:

a) Tom and Rachel plot = WORSE than Wallace and Jackie. And that's saying A LOT. Maybe if I had seen the beginning of this season and had the faintest inkling of who they were, I might have cared. But I doubt it. Did she sleep with Sark earlier in the season? Lucky bitch.
b) OMGIRINAISEEEEEVIL = not so much, JJ. Seriously, this is your big "twist"? Your shocking "reveal"? I'm sorry; did we go back three years? Who the hell is surprised by this anymore? Oh, wait, I know – NO ONE.
c) My motto for the last, oh I don't know, four hours of the show: FUH. KING. SHOOT. HIM. (or her) Sydney has Sloane at gunpoint. Or her mom. Vaughn has Sark at gunpoint. Even when SydAnna had real Sydney trapped under the car wreck. WHY WOULD SHE LIGHT THE CAR ON FIRE INSTEAD OF JUST SHOOTING HER???
d) Rambaldi's big secret = eternal life. I don't have a font big enough for this – DUH. What the hell else would it have been? Just, duh.

Only Jack was truly awesome, no surprise there. And Erin is right; the Vaughn baby faces were amazing. I do have to give props to Garner and Vartan, they still have great chemistry despite their off-screen issues.
One last thing about Alias and then we are moving on (because we are people with lives. Hee. As if). I ruined an entire load of laundry not by “soiling” it, as I’m sure Kristin would say but because my ears started BLEEDING when Sydney was all, “That’s the last time I trust/stick up for/give a millionth chance to Sloane/my mom. I believed him/her before but I’m not going to make that mistake again because…” and that’s all I got because my ears were filled with BOILING HOT BLOOD. Know when that would have been a good idea? THREE FUCKING YEARS AGO. Now, I love me some Ron Rifkin and he and Victor Garber have some kick-ass chemistry/tension in their scenes. But it is simply beyond any plausibility that Syd and Jack would have gone back to work for Sloane this whole time and then they’re like, well, shit, turned out he WAS bad all along. Our bad. TOTALLY not going to make that mistake again. For real, you guys.

If you squint...

2007-04-20T09:18:00.000-04:00

Y'all I do not know how to format this text correctly, so bear with me. While I know plenty of other people have made the connection between sensitive rocker Sea Wolf and comdedy-hottie Michael Ian Black, I also feel (and maybe it's just this pic) that Morgan Stanley memoirist Dana Vachon could be their...dad? Older cousin?

Music?

2007-04-19T14:00:00.000-04:00

Yo, I am working on this whole posting mp3s to a blog deal. Music blogs are a recent fixation of mine - I'll add some of my favs to the links list. It's just so awesome - free, cool music! For free! Much like an open bar or apps at a fancy party, free music tastes better. So I'm hoping to share some of my new discoveries (read: stuff hipsters tell me is cool) with a Mixtape Monday feature. This here today is my first test at getting a song on the blog at all, and it's a unique situation:
I downloaded this song from...somewhere. I usually tear through three or four music blogs at a time, right-clicking willy-nilly and then going back into iTunes and adding the songs to my library. They almost always have at least the song title and artist and very often the album title as well, when available. Not this track. This is only "Track 2". So I listened to some of the lyrics and skipped on over to Google. The reverse look-up has always worked for me before but no luck this time. SO, I turn to you, dear reader(s). First person to identify the artist of the song posted below gets a $15 iTunes gift card. No, totally for real. I know I was a bad, bad blogger before and I'm pulling out all of the stops to get my loyal reader(s) back. You tell me who the heck is singing and I'll hook you up with enough iTuneage to get Avril's new album with change to spare.

Track 02

as promised

2007-04-18T16:19:00.000-04:00

Chris R is like that one friend of your boyfriend (read: Blake) who you can’t stand. Eventually, he wears you down to the point of tolerance, and occasionally forgetting why you ever hated him in the first place. Then he gets way too drunk, per usz, at a party and it all comes rushing back. You’re not surprised at his obnoxious behavior, but you are a little mad at yourself for being so generous in your earlier assessment. And then, just when your opinion of him is its nadir, he goes and hits on your younger cousin.
Happily, your boyfriend chooses this opportunity to sing pretty much your favorite song ever to enter the orbit of Country Night on American Idol, so all is forgiven. Seriously, when I heard that Blake was doing “When the Stars Go Blue”, I gasped so loud that I hiccupped. Sure, the vocal wasn’t awesome, but an argyle sweater vest goes a long way towards making everything wonderful.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In other news, I caught Grey Gardens on Broadway last night. Good news: I had bitchin' seats that were free. Bad news: zzzzzzz. Christine Ebersole is great, I guess...Matt Cavenaugh is still wicked hot...and that wraps up today's portion of Broadway Theatre Performance Dramatical Review. Tune in next week* for my stirring critique of two shows sure be duking it out for Best Revival: Chorus Line and Company. Dancers who can't really sing vs. Singers/musicians who can't really act. Tough call!

*not really. Well, please do tune in, but not for that specific topic.

Nasally is a form of singing

2007-04-18T10:32:00.000-04:00

And dickweed is a common species of reality-show contestant. More on Chris R to come.

Later, schmater

2007-04-17T15:42:00.000-04:00

You waited a long-ass time for any kind of updates, so who am I to be coy? Here then is the David Brent vs. Michael Scott deliberation, only a year or so too late to be timely:

David Brent vs. Michael Scott: Would You Rather…?

Here is the basic timeline of my Office-obsession: Had watched and enjoyed the BBC version on BBC America back in the day. Definitely found it funny, awkward, etc. Even back then, I remember observing that it got better upon rewatch because when you know what’s coming, you can sit back and just laugh. Knowing exactly what horrible, offensive, racist, sexist (or special combination of all of them) thing David was going to do or say took the edge off.
Then came the American Office. Blah blah blah sacrilege, hopeless, didn’t-they-learn-from-Coupling-cakes. Turns out it is a-MAY-zing! (TM Kelly Kapoor). I bought both S1 and S2 DVDs after Thanksgiving last year and burned through them in less than 2 weeks. Then I bought all of the S3 eps I had missed on iTunes. And the addiction was born. I will spare you the true force of my shippiness; suffice to say that in my world, JG = Jammy Goodness and it is something I require soon (PAGING GREG DANIELS). But that is not what this post is about.
Clearly, they made conscious choices with the America Office to differentiate it from the BBC version. Arguably, the biggest deviation is the portrayal of everyone’s fearless leader, Michael Scott. Go back to S1 and he has more of the jerky, self-centeredness that was David Brent’s core. Since then he has evolved into an awkward, oftentimes clueless schmuck who nevertheless has good intentions in his heart. Almost everything he does, from embarrassing routines through almost ruining Phyllis’ wedding, comes from a desperate need to be loved and validated. Because we are shown this soft underbelly and the occasional, unexpected moments when Michael actually does not fuck something up, we root for him. Steve Carrell is simply too nice a guy to believably play an irredeemable asshole for any extended period of time.
I’m absolutely in favor of this tonal shift; I think it makes the show funnier overall and certainly more palatable for American audiences. However (OMG, a point to all of this) because we root for Michael Scott, it makes it *worse* knowing when he is about to do or say something awful. I promise you, I wouldn’t willingly sit through Gay Witch Hunt again without fast-forwarding through the Michael-Oscar kiss. In fact, 99% of the time when I rewatch an episode (which is at least once every week and sometimes more than once) I have to skip the Michael bits.
I recently re-watched Series 1 of the BBC Office and found myself actually looking forward to the worst of David Brent. He is such a spectacular trainwreck, and Ricky Gervais just owns Un!Comfortable! like no one else, that it is more fun to root against David. Not in a vindictive, hope-he-gets-fired kind of way, but in a gleeful, my god, what else could possibly happen to make this worse way? Which is I think ¾ of the appeal of Sanjaya.

I know you miss me blind

2007-04-17T13:46:00.000-04:00

Srsly, you guys, I am back. I know, I know, I've made this promise to both of us before and failed miserably, but I think this time it could be different. That, or you won’t hear from me again till July. But, let’s be glass half full for now, and jump right in to the good stuff:
General update: Veronica Mars = down the crapper. Rob Thomas, I trusted you. I believed in you. I freaking flew to Texas for you. And what do I get in return? A wasted premise, the disappearance of previously-vital characters (Where’s Wallace?) and a lame, desperate premise intended to “reboot” the show for a 4th season. Let’s hope not. MOVING ON!
The Office = my current obsession. You knew I would have at least one. OMG JAM SQUEE, etc, etc. I am also re-watching the BBC Office and have a longer David Brent vs. Michael Scott theory to post…later. Remind me.
Also still fixated on: Max from Grease: You’re The One That I Want. (Boy is that ever annoying to type out). Loved the show, natch, though would have enjoyed more actual showtunes and less Austin Miller. Now that Max is bouncing around NYC, I am DETERMINED to meet him. It will happen.
It is me, or is everyone obsessed with cover songs lately? SPD, my blogger crush, has started a regular Under The Covers segment. MOKB has their insane Covers Project, where they post every available version of one particular song. Because you need more than, say, 5 versions of Hallelujah in your life. Maybe it’s like how once you learn a new word, you start seeing everywhere, or how certain commercial actors will be in 5 different spots all at the same time, but now that I have covers on the brain, it seems I can’t get away from them.
Just so you know, my plan is to start posting brief recaps after shows I watch. I figure it will at least get me back in the habit of recording my inane ramblings. Hey, so far I have managed to stick to my New Year’s resolution of bringing lunch to work instead of buying every day, so there’s hope! Fine, complete disclosure: I only started doing it last week. But so far, so good!
If you have actually read this far, be a dear and leave a comment. Reader feedback helps us deliver interesting, relevant, targeted content, without being all creepy like Gmail!

March?!

2006-08-11T16:35:00.000-04:00

March?! I haven't posted since March? Who do I think I am, Josh Friedman? (God, and he's even posted twice in the last month!) I mean, the last half of Veronica Mars Season 2 did take over my entire universe, but seriously. Well, let's rip the Band-Aid off and get down to it, shall we?
What's new in my life? (And by "life", as if I had to specify, I mean "TV Schedule") Starting with the obvies, I'm loving the new season of Project Runway, though I always seem to be drunk while watching it.
AND OK...while the last bit was saved as draft, a few things have gone down. Mostly my tolerance for blatantly useless designers kept around for their personalities while talented and lovely people (Allison...CALL ME) get booted. I haven't actually watched last night's episode yet, but I went to the episode thread at TWoP and I get the sense it is going to infuriate me to no end. I think the show and I might need to take a break. Not break-up per se, but I'm wondering if we might be better off as friends. Now, you may recall I had the same thing happen with Evite, where we totally broke up but then Evite really grew and changed so we got back together and are happier than ever. (Though, come to think of it, we haven't been seeing as much of each other as we used to. But I think that's a good thing). I feel like my expectations for PR were too high and I started to forget that it is a reality show, albeit a classy one. But you only date a reality show; you don't marry one. I started to believe this was more than a summer fling but now I think we (me and Project Runway) need a little space before I get resentful and angry. I went into the Spoiler threads people; it's a clear sign I've lost some respect. Plus, I have sort of maybe kind of been cheating on PR with...(I can't believe I'm going to admit this) Rockstar:Supernova. I KNOW, ok, I know I'm totally slumming, not to mention it's on CBS for crying out loud. I won't do the stupid analogy of comparing RS:SN to junk food - bad for you but oh so tasty, like Mallomars or pork rinds. In my defense, however, Dave Navarro is hot and possibly a little bit funny, in a glam rock meets Roman emperor kind of way. He relishes giving the thumbs up and feeding the rockers to the lion. (It is a thumbs-up, BTW. Common misconception, but they were very pro-death back then). The great thing about my relationship with RS:SN is there is no commitment. At the end of the summer we will go our separate ways and not worry about keeping in touch. A little bowling in the arcade, a little strolling, a little lemonade. Definitely some making out under the dock. Likely staying out till 10 o'clock. And when it's all over, I go back to the real love of my life and nobody's feelings are hurt.

If you have to ask me who the real love of my life is, get off my blog. Seriously.

Who knew?

2006-03-30T09:41:00.000-05:00

Apparently it isn't all that difficult to be the editor of a women's lifestyle magazine:

Launching July 24, [Missbehave] is a provocative consumer magazine from the publishers of Mass Appeal targeting women with fashion, beauty tips, and cultural lowdown appropriate to "more edgy, street-savvy women ages 18-32," according to editor Samantha Moeller. "There's a lot of men's magazines featuring this whole sneaker culture--graphic t-shirts and all this 'gear,' I call it," Wherever did she come up with that term? said Moeller. "But a lot of women from all different backgrounds are into the same thing. They might have a 9-to-5 job, but they're going out to parties and rocking their gear, dressed down like that. Even more so, there are a lot of jobs, in all kinds of industries, where it's really acceptable to wear all that kind of gear." I think she should have used the word "gear" a few more times. Moeller summed up: "There's all these men's magazines that show this kind of stuff-and we're saying hey, it's time for the women's side too." For example, the magazine has a section called 'ADHD,' Always fun to spoof mental illness. Moeller said, with short features categorized by "style, entertainment, and tech." But Moeller emphasized that Missbehave is very much a lifestyle magazine as well, with "documentary" articles exploring the myriad female American subcultures. "For example, there's a subculture in Texas of female fans who worship Selena, the late singer--and there are fans who wear t-shirts with her picture airbrushed on them, and it's a real culture," Moeller said. "We love that kind of stuff, because it's a fashion thing, without being 'style.'" "ish" She left the "ish" off at the end there. Moeller's husband
Adrian, Missbehave's publisher, (aha!) is also in charge of pushing the magazine to readers: "Initial circulation's going to be 75,000, and we're going to be doing a lot of promotions." He went on: "We're going to be doing some huge wallscapes in SoHo and the Lower East Side, postering all of New York and Los Angeles. Because God knows SoHo and the LES pretty much count as all of New York. Where I'm living might as well be Toronto. We're doing Fashion Week. We're buying special placement in Borders and Barnes & Noble. It's going to be huge."

Dudes, what am I doing with my life? I could totally have this job, revealing trends in niche subcultures. Like I hear this iPod doohicky is really catching on among these "hipsters". Who, as is turns out, are often not as young as they appear! Shocking!

Nice Rack! pt. 2

2006-03-21T15:26:00.000-05:00

I know I have plugged him before, but seriously you guys, this Larry Dobrow CRACKS MY SHIT UP. If you haven’t read these before, Magazine Rack reviews random titles for people in advertising to (ostensibly) decide if they should buy ads in the mag. There are several contributing writers but he is far and away the best. There are dirty words in this one! In a trade newsletter, meant for business people with important jobs and shit. I wish so badly that he had a blog or wrote recaps for TWoP or something, because I seriously cannot get enough of Mr. Dobrow.

Found in translation

2006-03-17T14:29:00.000-05:00

I love codes and shortcuts. I’m that person who in the proper context will abbreviate everything, so that emails to Veronica Mars friends look something like this:

“Well, I thought ANMMHE was a way better ep than VT. HaLo has nothing on LoVe (my OTP) and JD was kinda acting OTT. YMMV. OTH, I <3 TT now and think she and KB are great together. Re: S3, TPTB at the CW might pair us with GG. OMGsquee, what a perfect lead in!”

I also like these kinds of ciphers in RL (sorry, real life). For example, the picture on a printer that tells you which way to load paper. Working as a temp, I learned that this:means that the right side of the page faces up and the top of the page goes to the left. It’s the modern day equivalent of hobo-code. I began looking for other examples of symbols with hidden meaning.
Prepare to have your mind blown. I found one such symbol, often hidden right beneath our noses, that contains information of such vital import for the viewer that I cannot believe I'm one of the few to know its meaning. Much like the answers to the DaVinci code, this secret is both ingenious and obvious, and the time has come for it to be revealed.
Did you know that in most modern cars you can determine which side the gas tank is on while sitting behind the wheel? Not from looking in your mirrors, or asking your passenger to stick their head out the window. Every car that I have checked since discovering this on my ’96 Mercury Sable (RIP “The PrincessMobile”) has an indicator by the fuel gauge that points to the side of the car where the gas tank door is. In the case of the PM®, it was an arrow pointing to the left, located just beneath the “E” for empty. In many other cars it is a picture of a gas pump placed strategically on one side of the fuel gauge. We have rented several cars over the past few years, and I assure you every single one of them has had this kind of indicator. No more craning out of the window to catch a glimpse of the tank door's outline. No more backing up and turning around to face your car the other way. From now on, you will always know which side of the car to pull up to the pump.
I know you’re dying right now to run out to your car and check, so I’ll let you go. You can thank me later.

Friday send-off

2006-03-10T17:22:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday! This is when I wish I had one of those blogs that update every 28 minutes, mostly with new links to cool shit, because I don't have anything particular to say about this, except, perhaps:
Yum??

Can't Buy My Love

2006-03-09T14:23:00.000-05:00

NB: I meant to post this a few days ago, but have not had the chance to edit it properly (read: look over once). I sort of hate linking to the Times because it will only be viewable for a week or two, but I figured since I went to all the trouble of writing (read: bothered to jot down in between page refreshes checking for new email) this, I might as well post it. Appologies for the poor structure and uninspired linkage. This is one of few archives I will not look back upon with delight.

Couple of things I find interesting about this – yes, I think you should disclose if you are getting inside information from a company when you blog about it. Saying you “heard from someone” that "blah blah yay!Wal-Mart" without disclosing that the “someone” you heard it from is their PR agency is pretty disingenuous. However let’s never confuse blogger with journalist. This is journalism. This is blogging. I seriously doubt that the content of these blogs is being radically altered. That’s the point – they find people who already love them some Wal Mart and just feed them extra info. Like if your drug dealer had a customer loyalty program where he gave you better smack in exchange for you talking it up to some friends. You’re a druggie to begin with; your friends know where you are coming from. How can I get hooked up with one of these deals? I already missed the boat on the Veronica Mars blogger day. And yes, the bitterness that torments my soul knowing if I had been a better blogger I could have been one of the chosen few knows no bounds. Thanks for asking. I’ve sung the praises of Time Warner Cable, though I think HBO on Demand should be part of the regular HBO package. I really, really love Starbucks despite any negative corporate image problems. Screw you and your carpel-tunnel Ms. Barista; fire me up a caramel macchiato. I would totally accept some free lattes in exchange for plugging Starbucks on my clearly relevant and impactful blog. Hello, it's in the name already! Because as much as housecoffee will kill me for this, they give me my fix. The actual coffee is consistently overroasted to a nice burnt taste and $4 for bean-water and milk still galls me. But it’s the always the same. Every time, everywhere. And I do mean everywhere. Knowing that I need only travel a mere 2 blocks from work or from home or from almost anywhere in New York City safe enough to take my parents and I can obtain the same exact blend of espresso, milk and carefully orchestrated coffee-house experience soothes my soul. Not enough to make up for missing the Veronica Mars Blogger Day, but you know. It helps. And I will certainly tell you guys when Starbucks starts paying me off to posts these odes. Till then, you can trust that any “insider information” I post is obtained the good old fashioned blogger way: by making it up.

say what?

2006-03-09T14:15:00.000-05:00

Tony Brummel, the owner of the independent rock label Victory Records, says he is not interested in selling individual songs from his albums, though he may give them away to build buzz. The label this week captured the No. 3 spot on the chart with the new album from the emo-rock band Hawthorne Heights. The band's CD sold about 114,000 copies — a solid figure for an independent rock band, but somewhat less than expected given the label's shipments of roughly 800,000 copies. A rock album, Mr. Brummel said, "is a work of art."

"If you're buying a Picasso," he continued, "you can't just buy the upper right-hand corner."

No, but can you view just the upper right-hand corner at a museum, the same way that you can listen to just one song at a time, instead of the whole album on, say, the radio?
I cannot believe I am trying to make sense of a metaphor that compares Hawthorne Heights to Picasso.

Bigmoneybigmoneybigmoney!

2006-03-02T16:02:00.000-05:00

As my man Mr. A-Z says, it's all about the wordplay. And for me, that means Wheel of Fortune. Back in my smarty-pants high school days (no, I am not still a smarty-pants. I have graduated to being a know-it-all. Doyie) I used to think I was beyond WoF. I cruised through Jeopardy at 7:00pm, yelling back answers like, "Star of India!" and "The Tempest!" with equal parts triumph and disdain. When WoF started at 7:30, I was all, my brain is too fast for this dumb show. So I would turn to other intellect-enriching programs, like Entertainment Tonight.
I can't pin down the moment that turned me around. I probably just left the TV on after Jeopardy while I worked in the kitchen and little by little, I soaked in the goodness that is Wheel. For starters, Pat Sajak is hilarious and not for the reason you think. Not unlike Pat Kiernan, DCA, Pat Sajak's humor is buried beneath a professional demeanor. When a contestant says, "I'd like to buy an O please" and Pat responds with "An O. Well OK!" he's not making bad "O - OK" joke. He's saying to them, "Are you fucking kidding me? You just bought an E, you have like $500 left and the goddamn answer is 'Whitney Houston Texas'. How do you need to buy a fucking O to solve it?!" And then when the contestant gets their one O and then announces, "I'd like to solve the puzzle, Pat! Whitney Houston Texas!", he might say something like, "Yep that's it!" but in his head he's thinking, "Of course it's Whitney fucking Houston Texas. You had all but the X up there but you had to go and waste $250 on the fucking one O like it was "Apple" unlocking the fucking DaVinci Code." In other circumstances when the puzzle is all but solved and the contestant chooses to spin that one last time, Pat will give them an "Alrighty!" but with an unmistakable subtext of, "Go for it, you greedy dumb fuck. You can't be satisfied with $15,000 in the bank plus a trip to Cabo, no, you just have to spin and call out the X for $350 more. Come on Bankrupt!" When they inevitably land on Bankrupt, he gives the best fake "Awww" ever before brightly turning to the next person, "Whaddya say there, Karen?"
But it's not just the heady mix of Pat Sajak's barely-masked loathing for both the contestants and for himself that keeps me hooked. There is a special event, rare as a Corpse Flower, that once you experience first-hand will have you setting your Season Pass to bump Wheel even above Ellen: The MisSolve.
The MisSolve is not when a contestant can't get the final puzzle, or when they shout a desperation guess during the speed round. It's not even when they get one word wrong, like adding an S to the end thereby rendering their whole answer incorrect. The MisSolve is when over 65% of the letters are in place and the contestant thoughtfully calls out a completely nonsensical solution. Somewhere along the lines of "Baby Fish Mouth" I have been fortunate enough to witness three of these in my lifetime, and I am here to share them with you today.

I'll admit upfront this was a tricky puzzle and the Feyonce (who did not give me the flu, BTW) solved it before I could. The Category was "Event" I think (and they are playing fast and loose with those categories these days. You'll see what I mean) and the answer was:
Choreographed Fountain Show
Tricky, right? And only an event in the every-half-hour-outside-of-the-Bellagio kind of way. But our intrepid contestant's stab came out as:
Choreographer Fountain Shot
I'll overlook the fact that the T was already up in Fountain, as were the first two Rs so you knew that Choreographer and Shot couldn't be right. What the hell would a Choreographer Fountain Shot even be? Bob Fosse's version of "Our Lips Are Sealed"?

A slightly more plausible but no less correct guess was given for the following puzzle, Category "Around the House":
Juicy Pineapple Chunks
Ok, what? It's the unnecessary adjectives that make these kinds of puzzles difficult, as evidenced by the guess of:
Spicy Pineapple Chunks
See, not totally absurd. Granted, I've never heard of Spicy Pineapple Chunks but then again I don't eat a lot of Thai.

But my all-time favorite MisSolve, the one that gets me giggling every time I think of it or come across French pastries is this puzzle, Category "On the Menu":
Custard-Filled Eclair
Now, the C hadn't yet been called, but other than that I'm pretty sure the entire board was filled in, because the contestant only got one tiny little letter wrong in their guess:
Mustard-Filled Eclair
Seriously? Seriously. Mustard-Filled Eclair. Not even my people would eat something like that.

So there you have it. My love of the Wheel laid bare. Not since the days when people were forced to spend their winnings on living room sets and ceramic Dalmations from the rotating stage has this show been such a nightly ritual for me. I was awed by the star power of NFL Week, "aww"ed by the charm of Best Friends Week and plan to be "Aw-yeah"ed by the hot-n-steaminess of Soap Opera Star Week. I am continually amazed at Vanna's wardrobe and her complete and utter lack of purpose. I am also waiting for the day Pat Sajak loses it and slaps some poor, unsuspecting dude for calling out "N" when it's already been called. Seeing as how the show is taped months in advance however, I suspect we may never see that footage air. In the meantime, I comfort myself by shouting out answers like "Upright Vacuum Cleaner" and "Sampling the Local Tequilas" (a prize puzzle where the prize was, natch, a trip to Mexico) and crying anytime someone solves the Final Puzzle. That never happens on Jeopardy.

run by blogging

2006-02-21T15:47:00.000-05:00

So my Feyonce has the flu. Which actually doesn't automatically mean I'll get it. Sometimes I feel like I drink enough tea to be literally invincible. But of course at the same time I am now suspicious of any and all pains. I feel sort of achey right now, but I think it could just be that my jeans shrank in the dryer.

Because I can. Because I can can can can can.....

2006-02-20T16:59:00.000-05:00

Happy President's Day!
I felt that given the holiday, I ought to post something. Seeing as how I'm trying to get back in the habit. Now mind you, when I say holiday, that doesn't mean I had the day off from work. But at least folks are mostly leaving me alone, as if to say, "NYOne, you are neglecting your audience and your craft. Off the TWoP boards with you, for there you shall find no satisfaction. Hie you hence to your your blog and there post some wit for the masses."
Unfortunately for you, I have no wit, but I do have a way to tie in two of my references in this post...
Not strictly speaking, but it will do. First person to correctly identify the unifying theme gets...my undying love and admiration? A vegemite sandwich on me?
Speaking of reality shows, I am of course loving this season of Project Runway long time. Knowing that the producers were going to keep Santino no matter what kind of turkey costume he belched onto the runway, I had the final three picked about two weeks ago. Andre was unmemorable, Nick, though my early favorite for the "Buy my chicle" Nicky Hilton episode, was ultimately a bit tacky and Kara managed to take boring ideas and then execute them badly. I'm now truly torn between Chloe and Daniel V. Daniel is the more exciting designer, but though we rarely see it, I get the feeling he is a bad loser. Chloe has been consistently overlooked (how many challenges did she come in 2nd? Like half of them?) but her lack of drive makes it hard to really pull for her. As long as the freakish, balding giant troll Santino doesn't win, I'm cool with it.
Wednesdays really are TV heaven, from American Idol, to VM to PR. When AI moves against my beloved Veronica, I really hope we don't get flattened, but the ratings have been so shitty lately, it can't get much worse. It's a comfort to know, when you're singing the save-the-show blues, that anywhere else you could possibly go after South Beach would be a pleasure cruise.

dipping a toe in

2006-02-16T14:48:00.000-05:00

So this is what my blog page looks like...I'd almost forgotten. Ha ha ha moving on...

I do have things I've been meaning to share, random bits of trivia and news, rants and raves, generally bloggy material but just have not been able to get myself over here. If I had been posting all along this year, and wanted to drop a quick bit of politics in the mix, here is what it might have looked like:

Title: Seriously?
Post: U.S. Internet Companies To Stand Before Congress
Today
Representatives from Microsoft Corp., Yahoo Inc., Cisco Systems Inc.
and Google Inc. were expected to face hard questions at the hearing from
lawmakers from both political parties.
...
Rep. Chris Smith said the companies are "enabling dictatorship" by helping China manipulate the Internet. "Cooperation with tyranny should not be embraced for the sake of profits," says Smith, the Republican chairman
of the House subcommittee on global human rights.

{emphasis mine} Folks, I don't have a dictionary handy - is there a word for something beyond hypocrisy?

Aw, that would have been fun! Getting all activist n' shit, somewhere between my latest Veronica Mars squee and a well-considered thesis on how Life & Style magazine and tabloids in general are actually managing to give rumors a bad name. How difficult is it to discredit something that by definition is already suspicious? Pretty damn difficult in my book. The word "rumor" to me now signifies nothing more than a nugget dreamt up in a tabloid writer's desperate and dreamlike imagination. There's "baseless" and then there is "batshit crazy"

Whew-look at the length of this post! I'm tired already from lack of conditioning. Like Eli Manning in August over here. So, I'm off to organize my random jottings into coherent posts that I will then bring to you, my faithful reader(s?). I've got some stuff you'll really want to come back for, like my favorite all-time miss-guesses on Wheel of Fortune. Not like wild, talk-it-out attempts during the final puzzle; people with options, time and 3/4 of the board filled just getting a few key words wrong. Till then, make it work!

I. Am. So. Totally. Famous.

2005-12-02T12:26:00.000-05:00

Nerve's Scanner
Things I am ignoring in order to foster my sense of eminence:
1) I am not actually quoted by name, thus...
2) The only person who knows it was me is also half of the readership here so I’m not really getting the message out this way.
3) I am not the only person to think of it (although no question my version is funnier)

However, if you think any of this is getting in the way of me thinking I am so totally famous, you are mistaken. When you combine this with my recent publishing on the Lovemarks website (my entry was chosen as one of the top 5 for that week and featured on the community home page) it's only a matter of time before something major happens. Maybe my blog will get Gawked!

something brief

2005-11-23T12:36:00.000-05:00

I see now that I promised a short post after my thesis on Laguna Beach, and instead I returned with a dissertation on TV. Whoops. Here, then, a short update:

Pat Kiernan and Roger Clark were both singing yesterday. In a desperate attempt to make a story out of the weather (it's called winter and it ain't news) Roger Clark was in Herald Square asking people to name songs with "rain" in the title. Most people said "Singing in the Rain" or "Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head". Pat wondered why nobody had mentioned "Purple Rain" and launched into a rendition. HEE! Roger Clark joined in and it was about the funniest thing you'll see on the news except those times when British journalists go to interview ducks and end up getting chased around and falling into the pond. Oh, and seriously, I could probably name 15 songs with "rain" in the title. Once as a wedding shower game we were asked to list songs with "love" in the title. Two weeks later, my list finally petered out at about 140.

Why TV is awesome

2005-11-23T12:18:00.000-05:00

It is immediately apparent to anyone who gets to know me even a little bit that I am a TV fanatic. I used to conceal this fact or at least get defensive about my preferred medium of entertainment, but no more. Read a lot of books and you’re “intellectual”. Watch a ton of movies and you’re “cultured”. But admit to religiously following any show not on HBO and you’re “an idiot”. Well, today I bring you my reasons why TV is awesome.
A novelist has almost complete control over their work. Certainly, an editor may make changes or contributions, but ultimately Philip Roth puts out the exact book he wants to put out. A singular achievement, in every sense of the word. One artistic voice impervious to meddling. Want to write a short story? That’s cool. A mid-sized chick lit beach read? Good on you. An epic masterpiece thick enough to be its own coffee table? Best of luck selling it but it’s your call.
A movie director usually has majority control over their work. That is, once they have a script they like, actors approved by the studio and enough money to execute their vision. For the purpose of my argument, I’m specifically referring to movies where the director has been afforded the ultimate luxury: final cut. Where they may begin with a good script or a shaky one, have Oscar-caliber actors or be forced to cast Denise Richards, at the end of the day the product that leaves their hands is the culmination of their best intents and efforts. Even when they do not have final cut and the studio comes in with test marketing results calling for a new ending, once the movie is done it is done and you have a completed piece of work, if not always a piece of art. You have somewhere between 90 and 150 minutes, unless you are Peter Jackson, with which to convey your full creative statement.
But who controls a TV show? To an extent, the creator/writer/producer a la JJ Abrams, or Rob Thomas (the genius behind Veronica Mars-you saw that coming).
They have the initial idea, usually write the first few scripts and oversee the arc of the show should it continue. Aye, there’s the rub. Because the life of a TV show is almost directly controlled by the audience or lack thereof. We all bitch and moan when brilliant shows like Arrested Development or My So-Called Life are taken off the air prematurely, but the upshot is if people were watching them, the networks would have kept them on the air. As an exec producer, you have no idea if you are writing something that will be on the air for three episodes or three years. What if MSCL had stayed on the air as long as Buffy did? Would it have had rough patches and a mildly unsatisfying ending? Do we love it more because it was like James Dean-young and full of amazing promise that was never really put to the test? What if the X-Files had ended two or three years earlier? Would people now be talking about how much they miss it or how great everything wrapped up? The push and pull between making something that is ostensibly meant to continue as long as possible but always being ready to wrap it up neatly if need be is what makes TV the most difficult and awesome form of entertainment. A novelist or screenwriter has a complete idea; beginning, middle, end. An EP has to be ready to continue the show as long as people are watching and the network will allow. Rob Thomas mostly had everything mapped out for the first year of VM, but then the show continued. I’ve seen various arguments on the merits of S1 vs. S2 but my feeling is you have to give the have to give the advantage to Season 2 if only because the degree of difficulty is so much higher – keep loyal viewers hooked, attract new viewers, don’t repeat things from the first season and be ready with a meaningful conclusion if (god forbid) it ends early. Thus far, they have managed to walk that tightrope with dazzling precision and I have total faith that the many questions raised thus far will be answered in due time. Unlike say, Lost, where I have no belief whatsoever that they can plausibly dig themselves out of the hole anymore. There is a perfect example of why TV is so tricky. The first season was well balanced between back stories and unraveling mysteries but now it has devolved into an increasingly ridiculous puzzle with no end in sight. And that’s exactly it - from the producers’ perspective there is no end in sight. Lord knows if I had the number 5 show on TV my focus would be, “how do we keep this going?” not “how do we wrap this up?” The artistic choice is gone and they are now beholden to the audience to continue even if it could all be brilliantly and best concluded at the end of this season.
To a lesser extent, the audience response can also determine the detailed direction a show takes. More specifically, character pairings, or “ships” as we internet-savvy folks like to call them, are often steered according to fan desire. Would anyone have been satisfied by Friends ending without Ross and Rachel getting together? As a Dawson-Joey shipper, my heart was broken in half by the ending of that show, but the overwhelming fan base seemed to be Pacey-Joey shippers. (I could go into why it is completely unacceptable to have the titular character of the show not get the girl…but I won’t). The second facet to this theory is that audience response is almost directly correspondent to the actor playing the role. Here again is where the EP loses control over his or her baby. You cast an actor based on several auditions, a screen test and maybe a reading with someone already hired. How on earth can you really be sure that this person will be able to handle any twists and turns that come up? What if you decide a protagonist should turn bad or a villain become sympathetic? Here again I turn to Veronica Mars for an example. At the onset of the show, you have two boys, Duncan and Logan. Duncan is the sweet, if distant, former love of Veronica and distraught brother of the murdered Lilly. Logan, to use Veronica’s words, is the school’s “obligatory psychotic jackass”. So why after the course of a season, are the internet boards overwhelmed with Logan-Veronica devotees (LoVe shippers, as we like to be known) and only meekly populated with fans delusional enough to support VD? As Jon Lovitz would have declared, the reason is “Acting!” Throughout the first season, Jason Dohring as Logan crafted a charming, layered and magnetic character whose on-screen chemistry with Kristen Bell’s Veronica was smoking. Whereas Teddy Dunn, as Duncan, is so robotic in his responses and inscrutable in his intentions, the writers had to give him a fake type of epilepsy complete with emotion-numbing medication to explain his bizarre lack of characterization. Fans have taken to all sorts of speculation about the reasons for Duncan’s behavior, willing to believe it is all part of a carefully constructed plot. But here again is where Rob Thomas, EP extraordinaire, cannot control everything in his universe. Teddy Dunn is just a weak actor and now, no matter how much the writers would like to craft a magnificent storyline for Veronica and Duncan, the majority of the fans are protesting anything that stands in the way of LoVe. Yes, my opinion is sure as heck biased, but I would direct you to TWoP for full Backup. (hee. That’s the name of her dog)
My point is (I heard that. Yes, I have one) that with several crucial factors beyond their control, TV EPs have the most difficult task to create something great. Clearly, there is a lot of crap on TV. But there are also shitty movies and lame books, too. When a TV show is well-written, convincingly acted and sustains a consistent level of quality over the course of years, that is truly awesome.

Laguna Beach recap

2005-11-18T17:59:00.000-05:00

So Entertainment Weekly has already pointed out why LB: TROC is better than The O.C. this season. (Which I can totally not link to! Sorry) Since my expectations for The OC were greatly diminished, I myself have mostly been digging this season. However, some rumblings have been making me nervous. I know show runners around the world (I’m looking at you, J.J. Abrams) might have a heart attack to hear this, so I’m going to go slow and emphasize this point: I LIKE it when main characters, i.e. Seth and Summer, stay TOGETHER. I DON’T LIKE it when there is constant breaking up and getting back together. I know the show is called a “drama” but contrary to standard notions and practices, that does not automatically mean every couple must break up once a season.
However, the exception to that rule is reality shows, like our beloved Laguna Beach. If those people could break up and get back together once every month or so, that would be pretty much ideal. And the good news is, they usually do. After the first season’s archetypal Kristin-Stephen-LC triangle, I was fully convinced they would not be able to produce a compelling second season. What could possibly live up to it? And at first, I think I was right. When the season one finale aired, MTV had Kristin on as a guest host in the TRL studio. They show preview clips of the second season which totally focused on Casey, the new drag queen, I mean student, at LB High. Even from those short clips I knew she was too weird and not nearly slutty or conniving enough to be interesting, though not from a lack of trying on her part. So while I didn’t watch all of this season of LB, from what I did see there was mercifully little Casey and a continued focus on K-S-LC, until Jason started making things interesting. What a giant tool that guy is. He looks older than Luke Perry did back in the Bev-9er days, but apparently the chicks dig him. Why he was ever dating perennial wing-girl Jessica to begin with entirely escaped me. You all are totally thinking this, but I’ll go there-she had bad skin, fuzzy hair and always wore unflattering tops like she had raided Kristin’s closet unaware that the two of them are not the same size. Dieter was in her league; Jason not so much. Their spectacular break-up was arguably the highlight of this season. It was satisfying in that you were rooting against both of them. Inevitably, when he got together with Alex M, I was rooting for Jessica to mess that shit up. It’s the opposite of being a shipper-you don’t want to see either of them happy, alone or together. And then came LC.
Digression: there are two distinct camps of Laguna Beach watchers-team Kristin and team LC. I was always Team Kristin during S1. Maybe LC’s narration was too harsh, maybe it’s like the Yankees and I enjoy rooting for winners, but I could never get behind LC’s pathetic pinning away for Stephen. However then S2 began, and Kristin seemed a bit over the top. There’s bitch and then there’s Bi-Yaatch! and she was setting up camp in the second category. And LC seemed over Stephen enough to hook up with him in Mexico and not really care too much. Kinda cool. Still, I felt myself wanting to slap I’m-too-pure-to-wear-makeup Taylor and realized I was still Team Kristin, though perhaps with a little less disdain for LC.
Back on topic: even though I am not on Team LC, I still like her enough not to want to see her with Jason. She did turn him into a high-pitched-baby-talking idiot when he was around her (“You’re cute. Hee.”) which funnier than it should have been. But, inevitably, back comes Jessica. Did I miss something or were they both drunk at the fashion show? Or is Jason that much of a monumental blockhead that he managed to kiss J in front of LC while sober? My favorite moment of that episode actually came before the kiss, when Jessica was getting her makeup reapplied and LC went just slightly psychotic on her. She was literally unable to control her annoyance and frustration despite a really valiant effort and that’s when the magic happens. It’s so much less interesting when someone is all set to throw a hissy fit, but I really think LC wanted to play it mostly cool and snarky but she failed. That moment totally turned me on LC and now I am able to love her and Kristin. Though not together. Or, together, if that’s your thing.

Wow, this was totally longer than I meant it to be, and it actually took me three days to finish! Without actually making a point about anything. Christ on a bike. Next time: something brief. (There I go with the underwear again)

why I'm lame, #42

2005-11-11T17:08:00.000-05:00

Yesterday while walking back from lunch, the heel broke off my boots. My three-inch heel snapped entirely clean off of my favorite black knee-high square-toed Nine West boots in the middle of crossing 45th St. A total Mentos moment. Yet, did I write a funny post about it? Did I have some hi-LAR-ious story to regale co-workers and my worldwide fans alike? Um, no not really. It's a situation that completely lends itself to humor and I got nothing. Well, at least it was better than the time that I tripped walking on the LES. Stone cold sober and I toppled over on my cork wedges to skin an exposed knee. I brushed the gravel off and kept walking until I noticed the blood. But somehow (and it MAY have had something to do with the 4 hurricanes I consumed in support of New Orleans) I didn't notice the full extent of the injury until much later that night. Folks, I still have a red mark there and this was early September. But at least that was a funny story. No wonder I don't have a book deal from this blog yet...

Underwear: Overthought

2005-11-11T17:03:00.000-05:00

Every pair of underwear has a specific category-a purpose in life, if you will. There are your low-rise-wear-with jeans pairs, your low-low-rise wear with those ass-crack-showing pinstriped Dickies, your thongs for those last remaining Gap khakis with no back pockets, your A-team boy shorts for nighttime, your B-team granny panties for bed time, your varsity starters and your JV benchwarmers. And because I know that you’re wondering, yes mine are sorted by category and then stacked in priority order in my drawer. Cheeky monkeys.
Much like a mind, a pair of underwear is a terrible thing to waste. One must select the correct underwear genre and application for the correct outfit. Sometimes, however, in the dark confusion of the early morning it is possible to make a mistake. In a drawer overflowing with clean undies, somehow I managed to grab an are-these-kids-sized-low-rise pair rather than the no-VPL all-stars I should have gone with. I chalk it up to underestimating the rise on these trousers. I thought for sure I’d be in pre-baby-Britney land but besides sitting comfortably above my hips, they are also fully lined. So here I am, wasting one of two impossibly tiny pairs normally reserved for my Sevens when one of my mid-rise HappyFunPink pairs would have served just as well.

Arrogance and Asininity

2005-11-08T16:52:00.000-05:00

Just how bad is this Keira Knightly adaptation of Pride and Prejudice going to be? Where to begin?
a.) They’re making it “rougher, dirtier, more realistic”. I hate this revisionist crap when people remake something-it always has to have a “dark edge”, even if it’s flippin’ Oklahoma! I want to see pretty people in pretty dresses, god damn it. If I was looking for dirty or realistic, I’d be across the theatre in North Country.
b.) Judi Dench. I’m over her. She won’t be funny, and Lady Catherine DeBurgh is meant to be funny. Blah blah, James Bond, blah blah, Shakespeare in Love, blah blah - save it. If she can win an Oscar for 8 minutes of screen time, I can judge her entire performance in this movie from the trailer. Which brings us to…
c.) Ah yes, the trailer. Which makes oh so judicious use of the Howie Day song, “Collide”. HOWIE DAY. I will even risk losing all street cred here to say I sort of like that song, but not for Pride and Prejudice! I’m guessing Edwin McCain’s “I’ll Be” was too expensive. And they give the whole damn movie away. Yes, I recognize that it’s not like Jane sees dead people or Elizabeth turns out to be a man, but would it kill them to build some tension? I mean, considering the couple in question don’t even like each other for the first half, you’ve got some ground to cover before you can throw in the whole, “Their worlds kept them apart…but love brought them together” or whatever. I think I just vomited a little in my throat.
d.) The scruffy, unwashed, fugly dude playing Darcy. Yes, I get that they didn’t “shower regularly” back then, but that doesn’t mean they walked around with bed head either. That pretty people in pretty clothes thing extends to dudes as well.
e.) Last but certainly not least, Keira Knightly. She is so wrong for the part of Elizabeth Bennet, it makes my fingernails hurt. Even her teeth are wrong! Miss Bingley concedes that Eliza Bennet has good teeth and I guarantee you someone with her snaggletooth would never garner that generous of an allowance.

I’ll give you an update after I see it. Which of course I will.

so not cool

2005-11-08T12:31:00.000-05:00

Part 2 of 2 in the series, continuing the exploration of the dichotomy between things “cool” and “not cool”
What is up with Gwen Stefani’s obvious obsession with her ex-boyfriend and current bandmate Tony Kanal?
Disclaimer up front: I love the video for “Cool”. I love the video so much that I wanted to cut and dye my hair to look just like hers in the flashbacks with the beautiful Italian boy. (Does anyone know if it is based on a movie? La Dolce Vita or Roman Holiday or some other classic I should have seen?) I love the video so much that I didn’t even pay attention to the lyrics the first 20 or so times I watched it. Which for me, is super rare. I am a fanatic for lyrics. But the video was just so damn pretty!
However, I find the message a little disturbing. Sure, it’s all well and good that he calls you by your new last name and you’re hanging out with his new girlfriend, but seriously, didn’t they break up like 10 years ago? I am not kidding-IIRC from Behind the Music MC Hammer was on the charts when the two of them were together last. Granted, she got a lot of mileage out of “Don’t Speak” which was also about their break-up, but doesn’t anyone (Gavin Rosedale, for starters) find it odd that she is still writing songs about Tony? Move on!

Things that are cool

2005-10-31T15:25:00.000-05:00

My Open Bar-the alcoholic Daily Candy. Except, you know, funny and useful.
Friday 8:58am: "What are we doing tonight?" "No plans." "Oh, well, I guess we can have a chill night at home so we're productive on Saturday" Cut to...
Friday 8:58pm: Sitting around a bar table at the favorite spot with future bridesmaid in for the night from Minneapolis and brother-from-another-mother who lives out in Bay Ridge and can never be tracked down. These things do not happen in Windham, CT. (And in case you were wondering, we were so not productive on Saturday. Unless reading parts 10-35 of a Veronica Mars fanfic, eating nachos for lunch and watching an assload of college football can be considered productive.)
Getting into private events/screenings/parties via friends. Especially ones featuring potty-mouthed comediennes.
Sweaters and boots. Hurrah for fall. Also hot bevvies like pumpkin spice and soy chai lattes.

Genius, pure genius.

2005-10-26T18:05:00.000-04:00

I just realized a way I can blog at work that reduces my chance of being caught. Draft the post first in Word, on company letterhead even and then cut and paste the finished post into Blogger. The bonus feature? Spelling and grammar check as I go along. (Three green and one red squiggly line thus far)
So, yes, here I am. I felt that my “return-to-posting” post would have to be monumentous. Is that really not a word? What word am I thinking of? Well, expansive and awe-inspiring, then. Sadly, I fear this is not to be, but better a crack-addled and Veronica Mars filled nugget than nothing at all, right?
Because Veronica Mars has truly and officially taken over my life. I used to think of myself as a well-rounded-Renaissance-type consumer of pop culture and media. Some movies, lots of TV, select magazines, a fair amount of sports and even news when I’m forced. I could wax poetic on the Yankees current state (dismal, given the state of their bullpen and lack of clutch hitting by big name players. Looking at you, A-rod). I devoured at least one New York Magazine, including crossword and one Entertainment Weekly, well, weekly. I could keep pace with some bigger movie buffs than myself by selectively quoting remembered passages from A. O. Scott’s reviews. I would pretend to sound worldly by repeating things I’d heard on NPR before falling into a narcoleptic coma. But that was long ago.
My entire world of the last few weeks has revolved feverishly and exclusively around the planet Mars. At this moment, the Veronica Mars radio station is playing faintly from my computer speakers and I had to turn it up a touch because “Momentary Thing” is playing. You know, the song from episode 1.18 Weapons of Class Destruction when Veronica and Logan share their first kiss on the terrace of the Camelot. Let’s all pause for a silent squee…
(And while I’m at it, adding squee to my MS Word dictionary. Momentous! That’s the word I was looking for.)
So, getting back to VM. I am of course a LoVe shipper, because VD is just unbearable. I spend a ton of time over at TWoP, debating whether RT and TPTB were crazy to even cast TD in the first place or if he’s holding some great plot twist in all that robot Donut acting. The former, IMHO. I actually feel physically ill if I go too long without hearing the VM soundtrack; I listen to nothing else on my iPod. I haven’t gone to bed before 1:00am since buying S1 on DVD and watching every episode in order from the beginning. But what has really marked my decent into obsession, the true sign of my mental collapse is that I am reading fanfic. The purple-backgrounded, icon-populated world of LiveJournal has sucked me in, never to be seen again. My evenings (and, OK, sometimes a small part of my days) are filled with long and tender tales of Logan and Veronica in an alternate ending to episode 2.03 Cheatty, Cheatty, Bang, Bang. Logan and Veronica in an imagined tangent taken from events in episode 1.15 Ruskie Business. Logan, Veronica and Duncan 10 years into the future and living in Hong Kong. And in case you couldn’t have guessed, they mostly involve Logan and Veronica having sex. Oh, sure, you got your funny “Veronica/Wallace adventure” fics, your sweet “Lilly looks over everyone from the grave” fics and for the truly disturbed, even some Sheriff Lamb fic. But the overwhelming majority is slightly smutty, slightly schmoopy dreams of Logan and Veronica, snarking and fucking for eternity. And I am a junkie for it. All of it. Sometimes I lose of track of what’s really happened on the show and what’s part of Tiana’s Holding the Curve, parts 1-11.
Wow, I can't believe I admitted all of that. Guess it feels good to come back to blogging. I know it's a pie-crust promise, but I swear, I'm back on the wagon and now that the floodgates are open I think you'll have a hard time holding me back. (I like my metaphors like my nuts: dry-roasted).
Cheers!

Beset Regards*,

2005-09-15T13:08:00.000-04:00

So I have been majorly swamped, trying to pack and prepare for a week-long vacation to Munich, Germany to visit my family. Prost! I am so excited to drink many biers, watch 1860 Munchen in the new football stadium and tour Salzburg. Perhaps when I return, I can learn the magic of posting pictures to my blog.
The only downside to this is that I am crazed at work (and no, blogging during the day is so not helping that) trying to set everyone up while I'm gone. It is amazing to me that brilliant, literally genius-level people can have so much trouble with a conference call pass code, but such is my life. I am hoping they miss me just enough to realize it's time for that raise we've casually discussed before; but not so much that the place shuts down. Because that will mean a shitload of work will be waiting when I get back. Ugh.
So I'm sorry that I've been mucho lamo with the posting-I've barely checked Gawker all week, have totally been neglecting the Bar Man over at 1000 Bars and probably offended several people with my email non-responsiveness. However, in my traditional glass-half-full way, I prommise to be better upon my return and give you a thorough rundown of all things Oktoberfest.
Hopfen und Maltz, Gott Erhaltz!**

*If you're wondering if that is yet another example of my egregious spelling errors, just take "beset" over to MS Work and right-click for "Synonyms".

**"Hops and Malt, may God keep forever" Sort of a variation on "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants up to be happy"

We got $5,000! We got $5,000!

2005-09-01T10:21:00.000-04:00

Ok, I don't actually got $5,000 or a contract to put my cable access show on a local network. But I did finally get digital cable with DVR! Sadly, this is not a paid endorsement brought to you by Time Warner Cable of New York. It's me genuinely ecstatic that I now have channels like IFC, BBC America, Discovery Health, VH1 Classics and SoapNet AND I can TiVo* them for my viewing pleasure whenever I choose. Plus a free month of HBO, which only excites me for Entourage and possible airings of Eurotrip. I am still trying to figure out if I will be able to TiVo all Jets games without recording every program listed as "NFL Football" on TV. Though Lord knows they way they show games here in NY, that would only mean the addition of every Giants game and never the other AFC game that in a normal market would be on CBS either before or after the Jets. For some inexplicable reason, instead of some awesome Patriots-Colts matchup, we get Ron Popeil at 3:00pm on a Sunday.
Sorry, went off on a tangent there. But then I thought about MTV2, The Golf Channel, Turner Classic Movies, Trio and Game Show Network and it's all good again.
Hooray for TV!

*TiVo has become like Xerox or Kleenex - a brand name that stands as a noun or verb (in this case, either depending on usage) without the actual use of the brand product. Quite a feat for something that doesn't even enjoy a majority share of the digital video recorder market.

to gym or not to gym

2005-08-30T16:58:00.000-04:00

Me: 5' 2", 128 lbs, surprisingly decent muscle tone, pudgy tummy.
Inner Me (IM): My conscience
Scene: 5:02pm on a Tuesday afternoon

IM: We are so ready for the gym tonight! iPod charged, bag packed and yummy salad for dinner already waiting at home.

Me: Yeah, I really think we need to revise those plans...

IM: Oh no you don't. The Yankees don't play till 10:00pm, Veronica Mars isn't on until tomorrow and you're already posting to your blog. You have NO EXCUSE not to go.

Me: Um, I really need to do laundry?

IM: True, but not a good enough excuse. You can do laundry while you watch Veronica Mars tomorrow night.

Me: Ooo, I really need to buy birthday cards: for the Feyonce, his parents and also for my parents anniv-

IM: Lame. Not buying it, fatso.

Me: Excuse me? I am out of shape no doubt, but certainly not fat.

IM: Whatevs. You are still totally going to the gym tonight. It's important to establish good habits now, especially before you go pig out in Germany.

Me: I will be eating some of the best food ever with my family there! Sure, none of it involves vegetables...

IM: Exactly. And don't change the subject.

Me: What if I promise to go Wednesday and Thursday...and to walk on the treadmill at home over the weekend?

IM: Who are you trying to kid? You'll skip Wednesday to sit home and sqee for two hours in anticipation of the aforementioned Veronica Mars. Thursday you need to pack for the weekend. And the treadmill at home? Will that be before or after you get around to cleaning out the junk underneath your bed? You. Are Going. To. The. Gym. Tonight.

IM: Tubby.

Me: There you go with the name calling again! Just for that, I'm not going. I don't want to, the Feyonce didn't pack his stuff, it might probably rain and if it doesn't it'll be too humid outside, and I'm tired! So there. You might be the one with the strong moral fiber and will of iron but I'm the one who controls the legs. Ha!

IM: You can buy yourself a pen afterwards if you go. From Staples...

Me: Ok.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* SCENE *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

post for the sake of a post

2005-08-29T17:37:00.000-04:00

Because I have been working to post more regularly, here is an entirely random recap of the weekend and today's musings:

Went to Callicoon, did not break anything. Score! Sucked at pool. Billiards, like bowling and darts, require the participant to be exactly one-and-a-half beers in for peak performance. It's a fine line, but I'm proud to report that my failures came from being on the under side of that equation, rather than the over. For a change.
VMA Report: loved Green Day, wanted to love Kelly Clarkson more but wish she still had brown hair and boobs. Loved that My Chemical Romance was shut out. I hate, hate, hate this band and nothing was funnier than watching their faces every time they lost. You know they were banking on the MTV2 award and then the antler-boy video stole it out from under them. Hilarious. Also hilarious: Diddy's nekkid, 2-yr old butt. (Can't find photo to link, sorry.) OMG, and "Kunta Combs". I swear I will try to find this picture tomorrow.
VMA Fashion Report. This pretty much covers it.
Pat Kiernan sang again this morning! I can't tell you how much it makes my week when he croons a showtune snippet. Today it was an article about Maria Sharapova, and the headline was, "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The fact that the song is intended for nuns only makes it that much better. {sigh}

Who can that attractive girl be?

2005-08-26T12:29:00.000-04:00

What is it with men and skirts?

Ok. The Fed-Ex guy, who already calls me "sweetheart" and rolls up his sleeve to show off suntan lines, said I looked very pretty today. Nice enough compliment, and I thanked him. The thing is, I think I look basically the same today as I did yesterday and the day before that. Certainly, from the waist up, my outfit is identical because I wear the same white hoodie every day in my sub-zero office. The only difference, as you may have inferred, is that today I am wearing a skirt. Knee-length grey pleated, vaguely cheerleader-esque, but not overtly sexy. Thanks to my Mary Hart table-as-desk, you can see my legs underneath. No pantless days for me, sadly. My question is, what is it about skirts and dresses that people (not just men) automatically think you look prettier in them? What if I was wearing shorts and showing the same amount of leg? I am not on a feminist, anti-skirt rant here. I actually refused to wear pants at all for a stretch of time somewhere around kindergarten. This is a social-anthropological thesis question. If my hair, make-up, body type and generic fashion sense are all unchanged, why does a skirt make everyone say, "You look pretty today"?
Again, this is not a rant. And, apologies, it's also not particularly funny. But it is something that has nagged at the back of my mind and I wanted to put it out into the cosmos. Meanwhile, my knees are cold.

Like swimmin' holes and brimmin' bowls of cereal made from stone

2005-08-25T16:21:00.000-04:00

For the first time in probably 3 or 4 years, I had a Pop Tart today. Man, it just brought me right back. I had two major Pop Tart phases in my life:
Early childhood-a big fan of the fruit flavors, I was afraid to eat them "raw". I saw someone at my daycare do it and it blew me away. I'm pretty sure it was still a few years before I attempted the feat myself.
College-Pop Tart revival brought on by the S'mores flavor. My teeth sort of hurt now just thinking about how sweet those were, but every morning as I drove my dented, purple Princessmobile into my illict faculty parking spot (thanks, Dad!) I scarfed a S'mores Pop Tot and washed it down with Earl Grey or Irish Breakfast tea. Good times.

Bad, bad, bad blogger

2005-08-24T10:18:00.000-04:00

Ok, I know I have been totally lame and not posting regularly at all. See, I have this whole dealy-bob called a "job" and it completley sucks up my free time between 9:00AM and 6:00PM. What's that you say? Blog "after hours", like when I'm home? But I'm usually very busy watching the Yankees lose! (Yes, technically with Felix Escalona's bases-loaded single in the bottom of the 9th last night, the Yanks took sole possesion of the AL wild card lead. But still. I expect a bigger ROI on a $200 million payroll than squeaking into the wild card lead). And I have other commitments, like hanging with my friends. You know; Linds, Rachie, Joni, Marissa, Summer, Veronica Mars, Sydney, etc. I am a very popular girl.
But nevertheless, I have neglected my blogging duties and no one is going to give me a book deal for a sparse blog. So, I am committed to posting daily whenever possible. Oo, except this weekend when I will be lazing in the Delaware River on an inner-tube, beer in hand. Yeah. But other than that, seriously you guys, I promise to be better.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
On another note, raise your hand if you are hungover. _:{ Really, just me? Damn.

Real men of genius

2005-08-17T14:53:00.000-04:00

This will be short, and probably not funny as I have come down with a mild case of retardation and can't come up with anything particularly witty, relevant or frankly even timely to share with you. However, thank God for the Daily Show. Monday night's interview with Steve Carrell was sheer genius. The beginning was 3 minutes of silence-just awkward pauses* and synchronized water-sipping.
* Can you have a pause in silence? I guess by definition that would be talking or noise...and in this case, there was some throat-clearing and shuffling of paper, so I stand by my linguistically-challenged sentence.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
What happened to Hillary Duff? Anyone? On Leno Monday night she was wearing a black wig and a rejected outfit from Mrs. Mia Wallace's closet. At the Teen Choice awards last night, besides sporting the dinosaur-head ponytail that so many girls who missed the 80's the first time are prone to, she looked...well, horsey. There's no other word for it. All the baby fat is gone from her face and the result is a cross between Carley Simon and oh, christ, I don't know something blond with googly eyes. I told you this wasn't going to be funny. I'll come back later when the Vitamin DC and KinderChocolate have kicked in.

Action Caaaaats!

2005-08-11T11:04:00.000-04:00

So much for the caniculares dies of summer - it is all about cats right now. Evidence:

Stuff on My Cat, which I have been religiously visiting since July, now having been linked to death everywhere else in the blogosphere is in need of $$. I am seriously thinking of contributing.
Also found this amazing photo set on Flickr. It makes me miss the days when my cat could chase the koosh-ball-on-a-wire toy up the wall. Now he's more likely to chase it straight into the wall.
Thundercats Season 1: Now on DVD. Ho!

Best Show Ever

2005-08-09T11:56:00.000-04:00

I wish I had a screen grab or some kind of link to prove this, but you'll just have to to trust me on this. Um, what's clearly the funniest show on VH1? Sorry, I meant intentionally funny, so not "Celebrity Fit Club". Right, "Best Week Ever". What could possibly make that show funnier? Why, an appearance by PAT KIERNAN, DCA, of course!! He talked about the new Battlestar Galactica on Sci-Fi Channel and one other topic (I was too busy squee-ing to pay attention to what he was commenting on).
I mean, sure I watched Studio 7 for the 2 days it was on the air. Of course I thought about seeing "The Interpreter" just for his likely 20 second cameo. (I thought better of it, but still.) And "Best Week Ever" is no " Hollywood Squares". Still, I'm starting to wonder if I need to start a seperate blog dedicated to hearting PK...ah, who has the time?

In other news, the weekend update will be coming eventually, though I really wanted to include pictures but have not yet dedicated the 15 minutes to learning how to do that. ADD...a blessing and a curse.

Queer as a $2 Playbill

2005-08-08T15:15:00.000-04:00

My prediction? This show is now going to close faster than Audrey II around a fresh piece of meat.

NYOne by the numbers

2005-08-05T14:59:00.000-04:00

Diet Cokes consumed today: 2
Hairsyles I have had since lunch: 4
Ponytail holders used in aforementioned hairstyles: 2
Links visited from my "Favorites/News" folder: 1
Links visited from my "Favorites/Blogs" folder: 5
Musical theatre references made by Gawker in the past few weeks (that I caught): 3*
Phone calls answered: 65
Percent of callers I was fake-nice to: 35
Percent of callers I was actually nice to: 62
Times I drifted off, daydreaming about Pat Kiernan, DCA: 1
Money spent on lunch: $6.95
Money spent at Staples: $361.02
Hours it took me to finish this post: .83

It's Friday, people. The funny is working summer hours.

UPDATE: Moves it took me to solve this: 88. New High Score, bi-otch!!

*since I know I'm the only drama geek here: Chorus Line, Man of LaMancha and Little Night Music Only one reference is not in the post title. I'm sure there are more I have missed.

Hopelessly Devoted

2005-08-04T18:07:00.000-04:00

While I may never be able to fully explain the title of this blog (um, I really...like...coffee? I caffinate therefore I am?), I can give you some insight into why I chose NYOne as my "handle". And yes, "Convoy" or some other such walkie-talkie-themed 70's novelty song should be playing in your head right now.
Back in the days of Jersey City [shudder] we had no NY 1. We relied on CNN Headline News for news blurbs shorter than most car commercials (ADD-the chicken or the egg?). Oh sure, the news was all "important" and "worldly" but frankly most of it took place too far away for me to really care. But then we moved to the isle-an of Manhatt and lo and behold there it was. NY 1. News so local, they literally have a segment just for "The World Beyond New York". Please, as if such a thing existed. There is no news beyond the West Side Stadium, the Democratic mayoral primary race or social promotion in public schools! But I'm off topic. The real, true and only important reason I love NY 1 is:
Pat Kiernan, Dreamboat Canadian Anchor.
Pat Kiernan's humor is drier than Bob Newport at the Sands. Sometimes, you're not really sure if he's making fun of someone or not. Chances are, he is. Especially if it's the Jerry Lewis to his Deano, Roger Clark. But Pat also works solo, too. Nowhere does he shine brighter than "In the Papers", the segment where he holds up today's Post or Times and points out articles of interest. It comes on at :42 after the hour. Sure, he hits the major headlines and likes playing up the feud between the Post and the Daily News, especially over Scratch-N-Match-gate. (Sorry no link; the articles are too old). I also saw him almost lose it one day when Lindsay Lohan was mentioned 4 times in 3 consecutive pages of the Post. He had little post-its on the page margins and it was the cutest fit of righteous indignation I've seen since, well, Summer this entire past season on the O.C. But the greatest moment in the history of local news morning shows came when, in reference to what article I have no recollection, Pat Kiernan started singing "Stranded at the Drive-In" from Grease. Squee! If you have never heard Pat speak in his rather stenorian tones, you might not understand just how amazing it was to hear him burst into song. Ok, "burst" may be too strong of a word to describe Pat's style; it was more of a jazzy riff.
He'll be on vacay next week (NO, I am not a stalker, he mentioned it during a recap of an editorial about LaGuardia airport) so Kristen Shaugnessey, aka White Bread Wondermuffin, will probably be filling in the morning anchor slot. Skip it. Wait for Pat to return and then watch, with the volume up a notch to catch the little grumblings and asides he throws in. You too, will come to know and love Pat Kiernan, DCA, as I have.

Oh, those summer nights

2005-08-02T11:38:00.000-04:00

Well, hello. I am back and sufficiently recovered from my weekend. Yesterday was spent staring at emails and reading Veronica Mars episode recaps in a fuzzy daze, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
We spent another lovely weekend in Callicoon, just the FeeyoncÃ© and me. Casualties: a very large bowl of homemade guacamole, 2 bags of tortilla chips, a pound of swordfish, 8 hot dogs, 12 bottles of Bass and {sigh}, one ill-placed wine glass. If I say it was resting on the side of the hot tub, will you have less sympathy for me?
We had the brilliant notion to drive back Monday morning. At 7:00am. Highlights included a groggy stop for gas where I stumbled through the Qwik Mart looking for Tropicana OJ and Pop Tarts (2 strikes). We made it, albeit 2 hours late, which at least had the helpful effect of shortening the day.
On a tangent, did I ever tell you that as a kid, I used to think "albeit" was "I'll be it" and I could never quite wrap my head around how that worked? Once I saw it in print, the puzzle pieces fell into place and it may be one of my favorite words. I love it when you figure out a word's spelling, pronunciation and proper usage. "Ostensibly" is another one. "Disingenuous" is a word I will always hate for showing up on the SATs when I didn't know what it meant.
...
Aaand, we're back on topic! So the weekend was beautiful and to cap it all off we went to Lombardi's for pizza last night. I know I'm not breaking any culinary news with this report, but the pizza really was so good. There is clearly crack in sauce recipe.
In the interest of time and relevance, I will wrap up this post and return later with the usual - random observations and rants and possibly some tips for drafting your '05 fantasy football team. TO is in, Brett Favre is out for doing a freakin' Sensodyne ad (you cannot get dorkier than Sensodyne. What, Selsun Blue wasn't available?) and Peyton Manning is soooo 5 minutes ago. Eli's coming and this is his year! (Ok, actually Eli is here and made some nice starts last year, but there are no songs with that as a title.)

coming clean

2005-07-29T14:53:00.000-04:00

Via Gawker...now I want you all to be strong, because what I have to say may come as a shock. It appears, at the moment, that there is an indication (steady now) that MTV's Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County may not, in fact, be 100% real.
Whew, I've had myself a good cry and splashed my face with cold water. I'm a little shaky still, but ready to face the world again.

BTW, if the show is entirely scripted, those are some of the best actors out there. Kristen in Cabbo vs. Marissa in Tijuana? Dancing on the bar beats popping pills any day. Now all they need is for Hillary Duff to perform at prom and the circle will be complete.

Babe, don't you know its a pity the days can't be like the nights...

2005-07-26T16:06:00.000-04:00

NYC-it's like furnace out there. We should be allowed heat days, the same way we get snow days. And, no, we don't get many snow days in New York and no, it is not quite as hot here as in other places, but still. The subway platforms are brutal enough to justify staying home with the AC blasting.
Here are some positive things about summer, albeit mostly alcohol-related and some slightly douchey. I'd add fresh fruit for homemade margaritas to the list and remove the reference to Milk and Honey. [insert eye roll] Hello, the new too cool for school place that you can't get into is La Esquina. I love, love, love anyone busting on Daily Candy. Which of course I still get.
So what am I doing personally to get through this ludicrous weather? Several very exciting things:

finally watching Veronica Mars. So good, wish I had freakin' gotten around to getting TiVo so I could have been recording these all summer. And then I could have taken a heat day and watched the whole season in order.
Drinking insane amount of Moby's Teany bottled iced tea. At $2 a bottle, it's a more than a Diet Coke, but less than a Frappachino and I find myself obsessed with the cool, minimalist packaging and funny label blurbs. All the flavors are reliably good; the regular old iced tea with lemon is my favorite and I also highly recommend the white tea with pomegranate. In general, I have a strong predilection for bottled beverages. I love picturing my house on an episode of MTV Cribs and instead of having Heinekin and Corona like every single person on that show, I would have:

Starbucks Double Shot

Teany in 3 or 4 flavors

Diet Coke and Diet Vanilla Coke (obvies)

Silk Chocolate Soy Milk

All arranged perfectly so that the labels are facing forward and in alphabetical order.

(what am I writing this post about? scroll up...oh yes, how I am getting through the summer. Ever go to a movie and the trailers are so long that when the opening credits start you forget what movie you're seeing?)

Looking ahead to my trip to Germany! And practicing for all of the beer-soaked days at Oktoberfest. What, you don't think Lance Armstrong just waits to get on his bike for the Tour? No, he trains far in advance. That's what I was doing Sunday night (homemade fresh-fruit margaritas). Training. Prost!
Not posting enough on this blog. My bad.

Words I am too old to still employ, but regularly do

2005-07-20T12:45:00.000-04:00

Wicked, as in "it's wicked hot outside", "I hear Wedding Crashers is supposed to be wicked funny" or the ideal usage, "Joey McIntyre was wicked awesome on Dancing With the Stars"
Retarded as in " the line for the new Harry Potter book was retarded, so we ordered it online instead. It's a wicked long book"
Gay, in the 3rd grade sense of "Bowling is totally gay" (except, of course, that bowling is wicked fun.)
Duh, or for a truly juvenile flashback, doye (pronounced "doy-EE") or no doye. "Duh. John Roberts is totally not related to Julia Roberts. What are you, retarded?"

Run, Forest, Run

2005-07-20T11:38:00.000-04:00

Yes, ok, I haven't posted anything since last Friday. It's possible that I've been very busy at work! Possible in that whole monkeys-could-type-Hamlet kind of way, but possible none the less.
Moving on, unless you are being paid millions of dollars to do it, running in public is just never, ever cool. Jogging is fine. Jogging is Nike Dri-Weave shorts, a t-shirt from your alma matter and a mini-iPod in your armband. Running is oh-shit-I-am-so-late for the 6:34 to New Haven. Travel bag banging at your side and legs flailing back like you are going to kick yourself in the ass.
Stepping outside my office into the hallway yesterday afternoon, I caught someone running. And then they had to slow down, gradually, into the "Running? Who, me? No way dude I was totally just walking sort of quickly" pace. Into the bathroom.
Perhaps this is a location joke in that you had to be there, but I found it wicked funny. Which brings me to my next topic...

Roundup: Emmy nods

2005-07-14T17:37:00.000-04:00

Emmy nominations were announced this morning. Highlights include:
Sandra Oh for Grey's Anatomy-I love this show. Granted, I would watch Patrick Dempsey practicing his penmanship if it was on TV
Terry O'Quinn for Lost-The flashback to him with hair was amazing.
Jason Bateman for Arrested Development-happy for him, though my real crush is on Will Arnett. Hot and funny-damn you, Amy Poehler!
Hugh Laurie for House-"Jeeves, whatever could be wrong with this patient? Is is the dreaded Aunt-itis? My word, how unpleasant! Fetch me some narcotics, would you old chap?" "Certainly, sir"
With Scrubs also getting a nod for Best Comedy Series but no repeat nom for CSI, the motto this year seems to be, "Doctors rule, cops drool"

Lowlights:
West Wing for Outstanding Drama-resurgence, my ass. No Lowe, no go. Time to Kevorkian this show.
Doris Roberts for Everyone Loves Raymond-I go off about how this show derives 90% of its comedy from portraying the mothers as nagging, critical harpies and the fathers as luckless, incompetent twits, reinforcing negative stereotypes and reusing bad "no sex for you" jokes...but I won't. Suffice to say that Doris Roberts is the least likeable old person on TV and when you consider things like Andy Rooney and the O'Reilly factor, that's saying something.
Victor Garber, unfortunately for a one-shot on Will & Grace (the lowlight part) instead of Alias, where he manages to make Jack Bristow so eeevil and yet so awesome at the same time. I'd kill to see him go up against Treat Williams (Everwood) for Best Lead Actor in a Drama. They would tie and then be forced into a sing-off from their respective bad movie versions of 60's musicals. Sure Treat was groovy as Berger, anti-war activist and hippie hottie in Hair, but c'mon. You can't beat Jesus.
And can someone explain to me how two women from Two and a Half Men are in the Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy category?? No, of course I don't watch that show. It's on CBS for chrissakes. But you're telling me two people from a CBS sitcom are funnier than...wait, hang on...hm, I don't think I watch any regular sitcoms any more. How about Austin from Project Runway? In any event, Eva Longoria and Nicolette Sheridan are going to F those B's up. This is their category-you betta watch yo' backs!

*Lazy Blogger Alert-yes, I could have linked to various source for info on the aforementioned actors and shows. Seriously, though, just hit E! Online. The channel is fairly useless (and always 3 times louder than any other channel for some unknown reason) but the website is decent.

Flickr presents: Things I Will Not Be Doing at My Wedding

2005-07-14T11:48:00.000-04:00

Hippie love-in
"Artistic" wedding photos
Anything to to with camping (tent in left corner)
Get married on Disneyland's Tom Sawyer's Island
Make an impromtu chupah from the curtains. (note the bare windows!)
Give the underage kids screwdrivers...watch the hand, there buddy.
Getting married at sunset on a tropical island. Gross.

Diet Vanilla Coke and the other things filling up my afternoon

2005-07-13T15:14:00.000-04:00

Diet Vanilla Coke, or the DVC, as I like to call it, is one of the finest products to be introduced since maybe wine in a box. It's like diet cream soda, only it tastes good. Just add vodka for instant desert! (This also works with chocolate soy milk)
Just found the Waiter Rant and lost an hour of my day. Laughed out loud at one post in particular.
In the spirit of MUG's Hump Day, here some other time-wasting websites I recommend:

Overheard in New York: Addictive, but the bright blue screen will have you seeing funny.
Movie Spoiler: Because you're really not going to see Fantastic 4, but you want to be able to trash it as if you had.
Emedco: Am I the only one who loves printed barricade tape, photoluminescent exit signs and gravity-feed eyewash stations? Really? Oh...I guess so. It's better in catalog form, I swear.

If I remember, I'll try to make this a regular Wednesday feature.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

On a separate note, I am seeing a play tonight, Swimming in the Shallows, that stars Ryan's ne'er do well ex-con brother Trey! How sweet is that? I am totally going to ask him if Marissa's going to jail (unlikely, no matter how much the show would improve in MB's absence).

What's new, pussycat?

2005-07-12T15:06:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I really love my job. And in order to keep it, I have removed all identifying details regarding the following actual letter, describing a potential event:

This year, we have come up with a concept that we think will top our previous promotions. We are producing the first-ever reality show starring cats. The basic premise is as follows:

10 cats from animal shelters around the country will live together in a specially-designed house (a la Real World)

The house will be equipped with multiple web cameras so that viewers have 24/7 access to the action inside the house via a dedicated website

Every few days, viewers will vote to eliminate one cat from the house (who will then be adopted to a permanent home), until a winner is crowned

Professional comedy writers will write commentary, create contrived conflict within the house and lend a distinct personality to each cat

This two-week promotion will culminate in a televised show satirizing the themes found in popular reality shows. Think of it as a cross between Big Brother and Best in Show.

Under normal circumstances, I would let this stand, maybe with just a "I loved this show...when it was called 'Crazy Old Lady Down the Street'" or "Well, I've seen worse". However, I can't help but feel strongly that my cat Bernie would be perfect for this. You see, Bernie can't walk very well. His head and his ass shake independent of each other when he stands still. He falls over a lot. He could be the Timmy, or the Michael J. Fox of the house. Y'know, different, but inspiring. Plus with "normal" cats, you're just going to end up with a lot of nothing, but with Bernie you've got built-in funny. Who needs "professional comedy writers" when you have pure comic gold like a cat toppling ass over end off the coffee table? Of course, I wouldn't want him to get voted off and then adopted by some random hippie do-gooder (who the hell else would want a gimpy cat?). I just wish I'd thought of this whole cat-reality-show thing first.

Bringing all the boys to the yard

2005-07-11T17:29:00.000-04:00

7-11 has opened in NYC and just in time, as they are celebrating the 40th anniversary of the Slurpee with free samples. I went through a Slurpee phase in college, but I think it was just an excuse to drive 20 minutes off campus for a change of scenery. Meanwhile though, I still secrectly believe Lanie's theory that you get your 44 oz Big Gulp in the morning and you've got all the nutrients you need for the day.

Your Summer Reading List

2005-07-11T16:59:00.000-04:00

Two very cool events at the Borders Columbus Circle. Please guess which one I am more likely to be seen at:
1.) I hear this guy is like, actually good. Wasn't Seth reading his book last season before the prom?

2.) OMG! OMG! OMG! I hear Ron and Hermione totally get it on in this one!

That's correct, I am clearly not "literary" enough for someone that Seth Cohen would read. Wait, hang on. It says here he writes about Saved by the Bell episodes. Oh man, I am so down with that!

Good morning, Starshine

2005-07-11T10:25:00.000-04:00

The Weekend in Review:
Friday-Oh, it began well enough, certainly. Saigon Grill surpassed expectations and we were well taken care of at the usual watering hole. Somewhere between the Miller Lite and TV theme song sing-along, things get a little fuzzy. I'm told darts were played and I have yet to find an explanation for the Bo Bice mp3s that appeared on my desktop.
Pretty much an ideal evening.

Saturday-In the 12 waking hours I managed, the Yankees tough loss was soothed with horchata, Sliding Doors and possibly the most underated teen comedy of the late 90's, Drive Me Crazy. If you can get past Melissa Joan Hart's one droopy eye (no worse than Katie Holmes seemingly stroke-induced half smile) and the constantly changing length of her hair (in the course of one day), you'll find one of the better written movies in this genre not based on Shakespeare. Not as well constructed as 10 Things I Hate About You, but way more enjoyable than She's All That. NB: written by the guy who now does Veronica Mars and is enjoying solo sucess away from his band.

Sunday-Began inauspiciously enough, but after a Yankee win and a rousing meal of moules frites and crepes, we discovered a treasure. For fear of this place turning into the next Bohemian Beer Hall, I'm sworn to secrecy. I can say this: it's more conveniently located for me, and less scene-y, than here, but the views are just as good.

It's going to be a long week...this post took me three hours to write and is mildly diverting at best. Then again, so is this, and I assume that dude got paid.

An Open Letter to the females of New York City

2005-07-08T11:50:00.000-04:00

Ladies, I want to first say that I completely understand your plight. Fashion is a bitch-ever elusive, often unflattering and rarely comfortable. So when flip-flops became acceptable footwear beyond the beach and outside of the dorm room shower, many of you rejoiced. Black flip flops with black skirts, red flip flops with multi-color peasant skirts and white flip flops with all manner of mini skirts became ubiquitous on the sidewalks of New York. Fine. You are aware, of course, that the only thing separating your foot from the communal treadway/trash can/toilet we like to call a sidewalk is a half-inch of rubber. In normal, pleasant summer conditions this is acceptable and I've even shuffled all the way to the Duane Reade in my own pink, hand-me-down Old Navy pair of flip flops.
HOWEVER, it is raining today. All day today. This is not one of those New England 5-minute weather rule rains, this is a veritable monsoon brought on by a weather system so formidable they had to give it a name. And there is simply nothing grosser than walking behind you and your squelchy feet getting wetter and dirtier with every crosswalk.
Please, for my sake if not your own, put on some some freakin' wellies to keep your now-skanky toes out of the puddles and out of my sight. You can thank me later.

California, here we come

2005-07-08T09:49:00.000-04:00

Yes! Yes! Yes! Laguna Beach is finally coming back! Oh, the drama-will Kristin and Stephen get back together (of course), will L.C. and Stephen hook up (probably), will any of the other people have worthwhile storylines (doubtful), will we get to hear Morgan sing again (oh how I hope so)????
Monday, July 25th-viewing party at my place! Should we make it a Black and White Semi-Formal? Tiffany bracelets optional, bitchy attitude absolutely required.

I was always rooting for Brian Krakow anyway

2005-07-07T18:12:00.000-04:00

Jared Leto not looking so good.

Signs of the Appocalypse: Summer Edition

2005-07-07T17:12:00.000-04:00

1. People not only watched, but LOVED this show. I can't believe I missed it.
2. Earliest start to a hurricane season on record. Or something.
3. Mariah Carey's body-makeup malfunction. (short scroll down, 8th item or so)
4. Derek Jeter no longer baseball's golden boy. Hmm, I somehow blame Mariah Carey for this one, too.
5. You thought stealing ideas from anonymous blogs was bad...

Because there is only so much to go around

2005-07-07T14:29:00.000-04:00

The Observer has a great piece that fully supports my self-imposed ban on crossing Fifth Avenue anywhere above 14th St. Although the IJC got there first, and way funnier. And he is rightfully PO'd to not have received any credit. This shit is getting rampant.

Via Curbed and Gawker. What, you think I find this stuff on my own?

Nice Rack!

2005-07-06T17:56:00.000-04:00

Ok, follow me on this one...I subscribe to the ad-industry newsletters at work, even though I do not, in actuality, work in the ad industry. But they're interesting and occasionally funny and it feels like work, even when I'm reading about the Saatchi 17 walking off the Cheerios account en masse. (And I knew about that waaay before the New York Magazine article). Ahem. There is one newsletter in particular, Magazine Rack, that is usually freakin hillarious. (If you are interested, start with this one.) I'm not sure what the actual point of this column is, but it makes me laugh. Out loud. So, imagine my ire when this comes in to my Inbox today.

First of all, and this is much less the egregious offence, Magazine Rack has already covered Luxury Spa Finder. But most importantly, who is this Rachel Lehmann-Haupt and why is her writing wholly devoid of wit (or snark)? I will concede that Larry Dobrow occasionally veered off-topic and into personal ruminations, but this dry-as-sawdust replacement will not do. I was suspect when Alynda Wheat replaced Dalton Ross as the writer for Entertainment Weekly’s “What to Watch” column, but she proved to be a worthy successor. I do not foresee the same fate for Ms. L-H. Count me unsubscribed unless the funny comes back.

Someday my prints will come...

2005-07-06T13:12:00.000-04:00

...when my writing is as funny as this. First the blog, then the 6-episode treatment for my sitcom based on life in Newport, NJ (likely title: "If You Lived Here..." in tribute to the sign hanging from the side of the building. Ah, the good old days at Tom Jeff!) and then finally, the e-pistolary novel, told entirely in e-mail format. Shout out to the Bronte sistas!

Nice and Easy

2005-07-06T10:23:00.000-04:00

Wow, long time, no blog! Miss me? Yes, well, I had a beautiful weekend in Callicoon NY over the Fourth of July holiday. Swimming, biking, laying out in the sun without incurring a third degree burn; it was all fabulous. We had perfect freakin' weather and MH and I could not have had a better time. Our hostess is a great cook and we had wine from the vineyard where the wedding will be! I know, so cute, right? Which brings me to my next topic (and the title of the post). I think "Nice and Easy" by Frank Sinatra is going to be our theme for the wedding. Not necessarily the first dance (maybe even the last one) but just a general mood-setter, to remind ourselves not to stress or freak out when the catering bill comes in at $800,000. (hyperbole alert)
Last night, I met up with some fellow Uconn Drama Alums for drinks at Divine Bar. Nice, if pricey. Good times, though, and I hope we can get more people out next time. I have all of this "insider perspective" from my time with the talent manager and no one to foster it on! My life is not fulfilling without someone to boss around and MH can only take so much.
There's the personal update for this week...on to the interesting stuff!

Friday cram

2005-07-01T15:11:00.000-04:00

So since I will be away for the long weekend, I guess I'm working extra hard to get some stuff up. Also my iced grande latte seems to have kicked my glucose deficieny in the ass, so now I'm all wired.
In completley unrelated news, this could be the cutest thing ever.

Must be all those Hummer owners

2005-07-01T14:18:00.000-04:00

I'm still new at this, but it's surprisingly harder than I'd imagined. Of course, every now and then you get thrown a bone...
(first paragraph only. you think I have the attention span for anything more?)
In the spirit of Al Hirschfeld, I'm calling this one...penis6

Sky Rockets in Flight!

2005-07-01T13:13:00.000-04:00

Mmm, had a Jamba Juice this afternoon. V yummy, but am now facing the inevitable crash in blood sugar. While this is ususally a nice Friday pick-me-up, no luck today. Maybe a nap at the World Wide Plaza courtyard instead?

Oh Mah Gawd

2005-07-01T09:38:00.000-04:00

Or better yet, as Summer would say, "Ew!"

First!

2005-06-30T17:26:00.000-04:00

Can't say I'm actually surprised, and I almost looked for another site to link to, since E! insisted on mentioning the f**king Red Sox. . I remember the good old days, when Ben out-funnied Robin Williams on Oprah and Jen was Noel's glasses-sporting music nerd ex. Kids...they grow up so fast!

Pulled Apart: an installation

2005-06-30T09:53:00.000-04:00

I have a slight obsession with mangling paper clips, staples, and other malleable office supplies. I just yanked out wire binding from a presentation and am now joyfully experimenting with the resulting twisty wire mess. Bracelet? Belt? Plant decoration? Clearly, the wire has more potential and more aesthetic value now than when it was doing what it was "supposed" to do. All in all, its a metaphor for life and how unexpected events, even traumatic ones that take us off our charted course, can reshape us into more beautiful, capable and resilient human beings.
When I get better at this, I will post pictures of the aforementioned wire coil and some of my older paper clip pieces.

Aw, crap, what have I started?

2005-06-29T20:41:00.000-04:00

At the behest of many a friend and mostly to stroke my own ego, I am starting a blog. Yes, yes, contain yourself. You no longer need to wait for rambling emails or desperate Evites to enjoy my rants and raves. They'll all be collected in one handy-dandy place, updated as frequently as lulls in my workday will allow. I'll keep this first one short, as I need to play around with formatting and whatnot, so that I don't look like the hopeless amateur I am. In the meantime, I'll take input on that title. I'm not exactly sure what it means yet, but I like the sound. Clearly, I'd be crap at poetry or song lyrics-brevity has never been my strong suit.

My Life as a Latte

Golden Globes Live chat

That which we call a rose...

Musical March Madness: Brand Bracketology

I'm Here to Help

A (slightly drunk) Love Letter To New York City

Too much

Hersey sponsors the US Olympic Team

Track 02 Update!

Freakshow of luck

My To-Do List

Personality Matrix

How my summer was made

Just wondering

TOLD YOU SO

Cause life's like this

WTF of the day

Mixtape (thank god it's not) Monday!

Dirty!

A lack of blogging

Eek! A Week!

I'm just asking

Mixtape Monday!

This Week in: Crushes

Mixtape Monday!

From the Archives

A totally original idea...

I'm sure it was a whole wheat donut...

Delinquent!

This Week in: Crushes

Someone Still Loves You, Boris Yeltsin

Mixtape Monday!

From the Archives

If you squint...

Music?

as promised

Nasally is a form of singing

Later, schmater

I know you miss me blind

March?!

Who knew?

Nice Rack! pt. 2

Found in translation

Friday send-off

Can't Buy My Love

say what?

Bigmoneybigmoneybigmoney!

run by blogging

Because I can. Because I can can can can can.....

dipping a toe in

I. Am. So. Totally. Famous.

*something brief*

Why TV is awesome

Laguna Beach recap

why I'm lame, #42

Underwear: Overthought

Arrogance and Asininity

so not cool

Things that are cool

Genius, pure genius.

Beset Regards*,

We got $5,000! We got $5,000!

to gym or not to gym

post for the sake of a post

Who can that attractive girl be?

Like swimmin' holes and brimmin' bowls of cereal made from stone

Bad, bad, bad blogger

Real men of genius

Action Caaaaats!

Best Show Ever

Queer as a $2 Playbill

NYOne by the numbers

Hopelessly Devoted

Oh, those summer nights

coming clean

Babe, don't you know its a pity the days can't be like the nights...

Words I am too old to still employ, but regularly do

Run, Forest, Run

Roundup: Emmy nods

Flickr presents: Things I Will Not Be Doing at My Wedding

something brief